Our president’s brain is a piece of swiss cheese, which is why he called Apple CEO Tim Cook “Tim Apple” during a meeting at the White House last week. Whatever the explanation for it, Trump’s bungling of a name that was written on a card not a yard from his lumpy orange head was a uniquely Trumpian moment—thoughtless, embarrassing, captured on video and henceforth roundly, deservedly dunked on. Even Cook himself got in on the joke.
Naturally, Trump moved swiftly to protect his fragile and massive ego, pulling his distinctly Orwellian move of insisting his supporters reject the evidence of their eyes and ears: In a weird lie from a man whose person is at least 80 percent composed of weird lies, Trump told a crowd of Republican donors assembled at Mar-a-Lago on Friday night that his “Tim Apple” brain fart was merely “fake news,” as Axios reports. (Just like those scurrilous reports about that time he called Lockheed Martin CEO Marillyn Hewson “Marillyn Lockheed.”)
Hilariously, Trump claimed the “real” story was that he had actually said “Tim Cook Apple” really quickly, and the “Cook” part really quietly, leading the “fake news” to present his comment as “Tim Apple” (which, as your eyes and ears will tell you above, is exactly what came out of his flapping gums). You can’t make this shit up, except our president can, and does, without any detectable trace of shame or self-loathing. A true immoral marvel.
“I just thought, why would you lie about that,” a donor present told Axios. “It doesn’t even matter!”
That person is right, and because the lie was so purposeless, Donald President decided to offer up an even more laughable permutation via Twitter on Monday, bragging that he does, in fact, know that Tim Cook is a person who works at a company called Apple, before insisting that he had “quickly referred to Tim + Apple as Tim/Apple as an easy way to save time & words,” a true galaxy brain explanation from the nincompoop with the launch codes.
Who says American innovation is dead? Trump talk good smart big winning.