Kellyanne Conway Does Stand-Up in a 1998 Tape, and Yes, It’s as Bad as You Think
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Holy cow.
Below is a live blog of my very first impression of the video, with intermittent pauses to Google 95% of her jokes in order to figure out who the hell she’s talking about. A lot of this is very inside-D.C. stuff, so it’s tough to hit her too hard for how bad this is, considering the only people who really get her jokes are in that room. The only consistent laughs she elicits have to do with Bill Clinton, which in 1998, were as easy as a Donald Trump jokes are in 2017. That said, it was empirically bad. She was laughing at every turn, and blowing up her set like she was sent from the future to warn us about Jimmy Fallon.
0:26 – Ralph Hello article? Rawel Fellow article? Her opening joke is so inside-the-beltway that you need to learn a new language just to know what she’s referencing.
0:40 – “What happened to your leg? I’m like well everyone heard I was going to be in this comedy show, and they’re like ‘break a leg’…so I did.”
Oh no, corny Leno jokes with an awkward “blondes are dumb” punctuation to open with? I’m guessing the average age in the crowd is 62, and the male to female ratio is 60-1.
1:10 – Susan Estrich, Jennifer Lazlo, Chris Matthews, Jerry Nadler. It’s like going through the credits of a terrible 90’s sitcom.
1:52 – This video is why I googled “Fred Thompson foot fetish.” Just want to point that out for whomever has to clear my browser history after I die.
2:28 – Kellyanne lands another blow, as it’s 1998 and any joke tangentially connected to Monica Lewinsky induces a cocaine-like high in the brains of D.C. Republicans. A lone “woo!” from the back confirms that Conway is not the only woman at this gig, making this the 2nd-most diverse Republican gathering that day in Washington—only behind wherever Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell happened to be.
2:50 – Saying “Norm Ornstein” doesn’t sound like the name of someone who would be funny sounded like the setup for a bad Jew joke at first, then she called him a baby, and now I am just very very very confused.
3:09 – “I’m what they call a ‘Pundette.’”
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