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Mauren Ponderosa - Reserve Goalkeeper
She's transitioning into a cat, which means she likely has some pretty killer reflexes.
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Da' Maniac - Reserve Central Defender
Pro-wrestler-turned-timeshare-salesman, Da' Maniac travels with a roll of barbed wire, which I'm guessing opposition players will be inclined to avoid. He's okay with getting bloody and has a razor-thin temper, but is actually more clever than you might think: he did, after all, get people to believe in those pyramid-scheme berries.
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Country Mac - Reserve Right Winger
Country Mac (also known as Mac's Cousin) is comfortable with who he is, can handle pretty much any situation, and somehow always has a beer in his possession. He'll be able to do all the things that Mac can't get done, but might get in trouble for his "sinful ways."
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Bill Ponderosa - Reserve Central Midfielder
He enjoys partnering with Frank, and can be brought in for brief but awe-inspiring cameos. He's happy to share his possessions (cars, drugs, etc), which means he's a good teammate. Plus, he'll spike the opposition's water bottles with bath salts to keep things interesting.
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The Waitress - Utility Player
She really struggles to lock down one permanent position, in that she keeps changing jobs and apartments. She is susceptible to deception, but pops up when you need her in order to get things going. Downside: she and Charlie can't be within 50 feet of each other due to her active restraining order.
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Peter "Schmitty" Schmidt - Reserve Striker
He tends to swoop in at the last minute and make things happen (just ask The Waitress). He's a permanent supersub since The Gang will inevitably turn on him if he stays around too long.
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Pappy McPoyle - Manager
As countless Premier League managers have demonstrated, you don't have to speak great English to be an effective coach. Speaking with force, frightening those around you, and dressing flashy can all be just as important. Plus, Pappy's pet Pocono Swallow (Royal McPoyle) will serve as the team's disciplinarian, in that he will gouge out the eyes of any underperforming players.