Let’s face it: it’s a big, big Twitter-verse out there, filled with all the best and worst humanity has to offer. For many, the little blue bird and the service it represents are just further proof of the perversity of human nature—yes, even when restrained to 140 characters or less, people can be somehow spew novel’s worth of ignorance and pettiness. Yet amidst the cacophony and confusion, there persists plenty to love. Whether you’re a black belt-toting Twitter master, a dabbler in the social media substrate, or a neophyte looking for someone (or something) to follow, here are a few VIP feeds to add some extra LOLs to your weekend Academy Awards viewing. (ABC, Sunday, 7 p.m. EST/4 p.m. PST)
Yes, I will be live-snarking the Academy Awards. No ifs, ands, or buts.
— Nikki Finke (@NikkiFinke) February 16, 2014
1. Nikki Finke – @NikkiFinke
Twitter Bio: There. Will. Be. Showbiz. Blood. Editor-in-Chief Emeritus & Founder, Deadline Hollywood
Followers: 216K
Need for Feed: The Queen of Live-Snarking. Finke already has a cult-like following for her back-channel Hollywood reporting and “TOLDJA!” story scoops, but for awards shows, the gloves really come off. Her acrimonious (and public) split from the site she founded, Deadline Hollywood, prevented her taking on this year’s Golden Globes, but she’s promising to be back in full force for Oscar night. Buckle up.
12 Years A Slave….to Fashion!!! Let the Globes begin!!!
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 12, 2014
2. Billy Eichner – @billyeichner
Twitter Bio: Emmy nom’d host of FUNNY OR DIE’S BILLY ON THE STREET on FUSE TV & iTUNES. Also CRAIG on PARKS & RECREATION!
Followers: 141K
Need for Feed: If you didn’t know better, you might think Billy Eichner was the Twitter alias of a 14-year-old girl. His ALL CAPS and exclamation points!!! could be seen as over the top if it weren’t for the nothing-gets-by-him sharpness of Eichner’s humor. You can count on him for hilarious live-tweeting of this year’s Oscars, especially when the nominees include “MERYL FUCKING STREEP.”
Have Jonah Hill and Leonardo DiCaprio ever held hands when no one was looking just bc they like the warm feeling
— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) February 4, 2014
3. Richard Lawson – @rilaws
Twitter Bio: Columnist for Vanity Fair
Followers: 25.6K
Need for Feed: Lawson is the best friend we all wish we could have at our Oscar party: an unabashed pop culture fan with a succinct and sophisticated sense of humor. His expert industry knowledge and short story-like tweets make his feed an awards-night staple right next to Chinese food and flannel pajama pants.
so brave of Julia Roberts to honor her role in Osage by walking the red carpet sans makeup…oh wait that’s Bruce Dern #GoldenGlobes
— Matt Oswalt (@Puddinstrip) January 13, 2014
4. Matt Oswalt – @puddinstrip
Twitter Bio: I’m a triple threat: writer, director, arsonist
Followers: 25K
Need for Feed: Everyone already has Patton Oswalt in their feeds, but his brother Matt deserves a follow in his own right with his darkly funny tweets. When it comes to going after celebrities, Oswalt has the same acerbic wit as his more famous sibling, but his lower profile frees him up to go even harder for the jugular.
Jared Leto is what Christianity thinks Jesus looked like #GoldenGlobeForJaredLeto
— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) January 13, 2014
5. Shelby Fero – @shelbyfero
Twitter Bio: I’m not too crazy about me either. CHOZEN on FX/@midnight on CC/hometown newsletters everywhere
Followers: 104K
Need for Feed: Fero is among those comedians who have a particular knack for crafting comedy on Twitter. During awards shows, she’s like a fangirl fatale: enthusiastic about the people she likes but lethal with her shots at everyone else.
My new ringtone is Liam Neeson saying “Gravity.”
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 13, 2014
6. Kumail Nanjiani – @kumailn
Twitter Bio: Comedy Central house special, Beta Male. Co-host of gaming podcast The Indoor Kids on Nerdist network.
Followers: 204K
Need for Feed: If the Oscars are Hollywood’s prom night, Nanjiani is the valedictorian sitting home making fun of everyone. With his charmingly bemused tone and incisive punchlines, his feed is the perfect antidote for awards-night puffery.
Rooting for nominees tonight in my usual order: 1. Jew. 2. Friend I don’t hate. 3. Never nominated before. 4. Ugly. 5. Merit. #GoldenGlobes
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) January 12, 2014
7. Joshua Malina – @joshmalina
Twitter Bio: Chanteuse québécoise.
Followers: 127K
Need for Feed: The Scandal star and Sports Night alum is already a reliable Twitter blend of smarts and sarcasm, and his awards-night feeds are no different. You can almost see his trademark smirk behind each snarky tweet.
I got married on the Grammys and divorced on the Emmys.
— Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) January 27, 2014
8. Albert Brooks – @AlbertBrooks
Twitter Bio: Filmmaker, actor, author Albert Brooks.
Followers: 536K
Need for Feed: Proof that brevity is the soul of wit. While other comedians pepper their feed with machine-gun frequency, Brooks is the sniper: firing only when he has the perfect shot.
Drew Barrymore you look like radish #GoldenGlobes
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) January 13, 2014
9. The Iron Sheik – @the_ironsheik
Twitter Bio: I am the legend. Respect the legend or go fuck yourself forever you big time jabroni
Followers: 391K
Need for Feed: Who better than a self-proclaimed legend to cut down an event as self-absorbed as the Oscars? As we’ve learned via Comedy Central’s @midnight, The Iron Sheik isn’t the most eloquent with his words, but he’s certainly the most entertaining.
Macklemore Reminds #Grammys Audience About CDs Available For Sale In Lobby http://t.co/W368fKcVZT
— The Onion (@TheOnion) January 27, 2014
10. The Onion – @TheOnion
Twitter Bio: America’s Finest News Source.
Followers: 5.73M
Need for Feed: Just when jaded fans accuse The Onion of growing long in the tooth, the satirical mainstay bites back with the joke everyone wishes they had thought of first. They took some heat during the 2013 Oscars for their profanely sarcastic tweet about then 9-year-old Beasts of the Southern Wild star Quvenzhané Wallis, but with this year’s nominees all of legal age, it’s safe to say everyone’s fair game.
For more Oscar night fun, tune in to our liveblog on pastemagazine.com come Sunday evening. If you like your snark mixed with updates and other useful bits, follow us both here and here on Twitter.
Christine Moore is a freelance writer and pop culture geek based in Atlanta. She blogs about television and comedy at TV Kitchen. Follow her on Twitter.