Hopefully you were as incredibly smart as me and decided to skip the Democratic debate in Las Vegas and watch pro wrestling instead. All Elite Wrestling had perhaps its best episode of Dynamite yet this week, with Cody Rhodes returning home to Atlanta and doing his legendary father Dusty proud with a brutal, bloody cage match on the same grounds as the old, beloved Omni, the Wrestling Mecca of the South.
Oh wait, I just saw that clip of Warren just deadass destroying Bloomberg. That was more vicious than anything at AEW tonight.
This is how I process politics in the year 2020: I do literally anything else, anything that makes me feel good and takes my mind off the mess we’re living through today, and then catch up on the news by reading jokes on Twitter. And then sharing those Twitter jokes with whoever happens to click on whatever link brought you here right now. It’s a much healthier way to interact with this nonsense than watching cable news, and obviously beats the hell out of talk radio.
So take a few minutes from your daily routine and scroll through the totally fine and sometimes great jokes that brought me momentary distraction from the miserable truth of 21st century living. And go catch up on that AEW show, if you haven’t already seen it.
Listen, some pundits may say that it was unsporting for Elizabeth Warren to kick off this debate by ripping Mike Bloomberg’s arms off and using them to punch him in the dick, but i respectfully disagree
— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) February 20, 2020
Biden already looking presidential (specifically like a malfunctioning Hall of Presidents animatronic)
— Zach Broussard (@ZachBroussard) February 20, 2020
Warren made a huge strategic error by not demurring, expressing gratitude for even being allowed on the stage, hiding her face in shame, and ending every policy choice by saying “I dunno, maybe that’s stupid, don’t listen to me!”
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) February 20, 2020
btw, Warren snuck a pretty solid Little Women review in tonight’s debate. pic.twitter.com/6TuIRKikUT
— Slade (@Slade) February 20, 2020
Yes, hello. I would like to pay $500,000,000 to go on national television and have the biggest fuck-ups of my life dissected and magnified all while I sneer with utter contempt at all the poor watching me
— new year new meme (@SamGrittner) February 20, 2020
Bloomberg would make Bloomberg sign an NDA after what Warren just did to him
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) February 20, 2020
Let’s just say i doubt it was difficult for Bloomberg to find comedy writers in NYC willing sell their souls to work for an ultra rich New York megalomaniac.
— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) February 20, 2020
Dem debate got that XFL vibe
— Theo Von (@TheoVon) February 20, 2020
yes, i support NDAs:
Nightly
Democratic
Altercations— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) February 20, 2020
Chuck Todd would have blown off the debate in a second if his friends from home would finally let him play saxophone in their Bruce Springsteen cover band.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) February 20, 2020
Bloomberg brought a wallet to a knife fight.
— Bruce Mehlman (@bpmehlman) February 20, 2020
all of us knew exactly what questions they were gonna ask Mike Bloomberg except for Mike Bloomberg or anyone working for Mike Bloomberg
— wikipedia brown, Chicago, classmate of your cousin (@eveewing) February 20, 2020
Mike Bloomberg: Wow, that was a tough night. I better call my friend Jeff Epstein for support, he always … oh …
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) February 20, 2020
Bloomberg can give every American $10 million dollars and still not be worth your vote.
— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) February 20, 2020
I just hope right now, high atop Caesar’s Palace, Elizabeth is in a bathrobe watching “It’s Complicated” while enjoying a buttery Chardonnay with TWO ice cubes.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) February 20, 2020
It’s incredible that Chuck Todd is a major figure in our political discourse. He has the vibe and the look of a Kinko’s manager who’s on Reddit for 13 hours every day.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) February 20, 2020
Bloomberg should be ineligible for the second half of the debate like players who have negative money going into Final Jeopardy
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) February 20, 2020
I’m a single-issue voter and that issue is Mike Bloomberg can go fuck himself forever.
— new year new meme (@SamGrittner) February 20, 2020
Amy Klobuchar is like that teacher that makes a few corny jokes to seem relatable and then ruthlessly prosecutes Black children in her home state.
— franny thee scallion cut with scissors (@fannychoir) February 20, 2020
When you’re counting how much money you spent to come up here and get trash-compacted on live tv pic.twitter.com/LpdESihkpV
— Jay Smooth (@jsmooth995) February 20, 2020
The leaks tomorrow from the Bloomberg staffers just taking a paycheck are going to be epic
— David Dayen (@ddayen) February 20, 2020