The Funniest Tweets about the Democratic Debate

Here’s where I am in this election cycle: I’m not paying attention to anything anymore. I know who I’m voting for in the Democratic primary, nothing will change my mind, and I will vote for whoever wins that primary because even listless, uninspiring politics as usual would be an improvement on the mess we’ve made over the last three years. (Okay, no, I don’t think I could ever vote for Bloomberg, even if he was up against Trump. Or Buttigieg. Or Steyer. Or Klobuchar. Or Biden. Or… shit.)

Good thing I still have almost 10 months to steel myself for voting for somebody that I detest and would never normally support.

There was a Democratic debate tonight. It was on CNN. There were only six candidates there this time: Sanders, Warren, Biden, Klobuchar, Buttigieg, and Steyer. It was, by all accounts, a miserable exercise all around, yet another debate that was less about the issues actually facing the world today than the obnoxious horse race shit that has typified political media for the last 20 or so years. Also it was clear once again that CNN has it in for the progressive wing of the party, bubbling up more of that anti-Bernie bias and framing the entire healthcare debate around how any changes would be funded instead of the changes themselves. The whole damn thing got Wolf Blitzed about as hard as could be.

Once again Twitter is where the people turned to to vent their frustrations, often through jokes. A very small percentage of those jokes were actually good. A small percentage of those were good enough to get embedded into this article here at Paste, which is going up when it is mostly because I’m still on West Coast time even though I’m back in Atlanta.

Hey: just read these tweets already. And follow the people who wrote them. It won’t help anything or make the world better at all, but it also won’t hurt you.

“Welcome to the Democratic Debate. On one side we have a man who thinks money has too much power in our politics, and on the other side, we have a man who literally paid to be here”

— a tweet from eli!!! (@eliyudin) January 15, 2020

It’s very important that we have all 12 presidential primary debates so that no matter which candidate you think you support you can learn some nuances and specifics that will allow you to hate every single one

— maura quint (@behindyourback) January 15, 2020

moderator: we hate you please respond

— farah brook (@farahbrook) January 15, 2020

Senator Sanders, your plan to end the kicking dogs to death industry would put thousands of dog kickers out of work. My question to you is, how can you live with yourself, you fucking piece of shit?

— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) January 15, 2020

I don’t know if this is Tom Steyer or just me listening to Tom Steyer. pic.twitter.com/lCbhdbWnUi

— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) January 15, 2020

Easily the most jawdropping moment of tonight’s debate pic.twitter.com/q1smhtnB47

— Zach Dunn (@zachbdunn) January 15, 2020

Well time to go pick up my order of 6000 “Sanders Warren Best Friends 2020” tshirts from the UPS shipping dock, can’t wait to sell out of these tomorrow! Haven’t been watching tv

— Roko’s Brocialist (@bombsfall) January 15, 2020

Pete Buttigieg sounds like an automated customer service line. I scream OPERATOR at my TV whenever he comes on.

— Local man (@BobbyBigWheel) January 15, 2020

Tom Steyer using travel as indication he knows stuff like an annoying college junior who returned from a backpacking trip through Europe and now is trying to explain eastern philosophy to his mom when she threatens to kick him off the family plan

— Erin Ryan (@morninggloria) January 15, 2020

My preferred candidates are in this order:

1. Sanders
2. Warren
3. Going back to Africa

— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) January 15, 2020

i’m not watching the debate so i would appreciate it if someone would let me know if bernie does the ‘woman’ poem from “so i married an axe murderer”

— my pal andy (@andylevy) January 15, 2020

Media bias rears its ugly head again. I understand that during tonight’s CNN debate there will be electrodes attached to Bernie Sanders’ scalp and genitals to measure his horniness level, displayed on-screen as a “Horny Bernie Meter”. NO other candidate is being treated like this

— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) January 15, 2020

Under the Warren and Sanders wealth taxes, Tom Steyer would no longer be able to afford the high-priced consultant who told him voters want you to stare at them.#DemDebate

— Anand Giridharadas (@AnandWrites) January 15, 2020

senator klobuchar is my number one candidate whose name reminds me of kombucha.#DemocraticDebate

— Myq Kaplan (@myqkaplan) January 15, 2020

Mayor Pete came out the womb and immediately, politely but firmly, annunciated, “I shall not sit at the kid’s table now nor ever.”

— new year new meme (@SamGrittner) January 15, 2020

Tom Steyer looks like a guy in a Hallmark movie about a guy running for President pic.twitter.com/gTJTVWJJZn

— Eric Stangel (@EricStangel) January 15, 2020

I’m convinced that the Bloomberg campaign is some weird long con to put all humans into pods and turn us into living batteries. https://t.co/hRivyc1HeS

— Maureen Johnson (@maureenjohnson) January 15, 2020

DEM DEBATES HOST: For Former Vice President Joe Biden: How much do you love America, in your own words?

BIDEN: A whole skip of a lot buddy

HOST: Thank you. And for “Senator” “Bernard” Sanders: how much money do you plan to steal, through communism, from America’s children

— dante (@videodante) January 15, 2020

CNN covers Bernie like the Daily Bugle does Spider-Man

— luke oneil. (@lukeoneil47) January 15, 2020

I don’t know about you, but when I look at the visualizations of an entire continent on fire and see footage of children fleeing into the ocean to escape encroaching flames, I think to myself, how could both parties have let the national debt get so out of hand in my lifetime?

— Claire Sandberg (@clairesandberg) January 15, 2020

Debate update pic.twitter.com/EuSwsKXI75

— Alex Degen (Magic Serple) (@ADACTIVITY) January 15, 2020

We can’t end public executions! What are the executioners going to do for work?! pic.twitter.com/deZLbSBlm6

— jordan (@JordanUhl) January 15, 2020

Pete Buttigieg can recite the first sentence of Wikipedia entries by memory and pundits think hes a genius for it

— bung a bob for a Big Ben bong for Brexit (@lib_crusher) January 15, 2020

I’m a single issue voter and that issue is who is going to let me fuck on the moon?

— new year new meme (@SamGrittner) January 15, 2020

Currently mad at Obama for making Joe Biden a top-tier candidate for president.

— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) January 15, 2020