Well everybody: It is Monday, and it is July, and we are officially halfway through 2018, and I guess I’d just like to say that it has been an honor, these last six months, to spend an hour or so every Sunday copy/pasting a bunch of Twitter embed links and writing an introductory paragraph for them. It’s certainly no easy task—there are so many tweets to sift through, after all, and one’s fingers get pretty tired from so much copy/pasting—but it’s well worth the sacrifice to know the good content will spread just a little bit farther. Here’s to another six months, maybe. At least another five months:
My daugjter just ruined Toy Story for ever. She said if one of the toys died Andy wouldnt know and he’d carry on playing with its corpse
— Baron Stigmund (@stiggib3) July 1, 2018
Enjoying a nice day pic.twitter.com/mEVsERDNUD
— Ryan (@Integrity_Guy) July 1, 2018
so u broke into his house https://t.co/6H5DHvnC8E
— [ ? ] (@tumtheworld) June 30, 2018
help my town has been captured by MS-14 it’s one stronger than MS-13 and they are demanding Donald Trump send his strongest ICE champion
— Johnny McNulty (@JohnnyMcNulty) June 30, 2018
is that ariana grande and pete davidson? pic.twitter.com/Zka89HVCTn
— umut (@u__c__y) June 29, 2018
This Is Just to Say
I have eaten
the rich
that were at
the golf cluband which
you were probably
saving
for class warForgive me
they were delicious
so white
and so old— your friend Helen (@hels) June 28, 2018
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) June 28, 2018
once at a party I was stuck in a boring group conversation then I remembered I had a banana in my purse so I pulled it out answered it like a phone and said “Sorry guys I have to take this” and walked away we are the masters of our own fate
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) June 28, 2018
Please, Lord, let the ocean take me away pic.twitter.com/bLZcMaHug5
— Margaret Lyons (@margeincharge) June 29, 2018
Had a great time performing with some of the funniest people on the planet last night! Thank you! #DCM2020pic.twitter.com/c6Z9VaYqnV
— Rajat Suresh (@rajat_suresh) June 29, 2018
You have my word: I will not stop helping the birds in my neighborhood smoke cigarettes pic.twitter.com/EHxr8nA3ew
— bransn reese (@bransonreese) June 28, 2018
My favourite past time was always eating chips with friends, finding a massive chip and showing it off. We’d all say “imagine how big the potato was!” and laugh and laugh. We all imagined some pretty big potatoes in our time.
— Melanie Bracewell (@meladoodle) June 27, 2018
rip to a real one. harlan ellison taught me it was okay to scream even if i didnt have a mouth
— Big Mood Energy (@jacobtwop) June 28, 2018
Happy belated to @ericcarle who asked me in 1967 if the fruits in “Very Hungry Caterpillar” should be screaming in pain.
i said “yes” but Eric insisted children don’t like when characters scream in pain. He was right of course- that’s why he’s Eric Carle
Happy 89th old friend pic.twitter.com/0isucvUU53
— jeremy levick (@levickjeremy) June 28, 2018
longtime observers of Mitch McConnell will remember that historically speaking, the senator’s biggest weakness is appearing hypocritical on an issue https://t.co/wOneXZAetQ
— Insatiable Gun Taker (@crushingbort) June 27, 2018
growing up, I bought and rented every sketch comedy DVD I could so that in adulthood I could see those actors weigh in on how young people suck
— Claire Downs (@clairecdowns) June 28, 2018
Let’s see if this works pic.twitter.com/x3O7azQid3
— gabby (@gabriellejwhite) June 26, 2018
— Ted DiNola (@esdin) June 27, 2018
The good news is that all of Trump’s top Supreme Court picks will die at 51 as a result of complications from taking InfoWars supplements.
— SovCit, Esq. (@CORPORATE_NAME) June 27, 2018
It’s actually very impressive that there’s a new terrible thing every single day
— Joseph Carnegie (@JoeCarnegie) June 27, 2018
nothing good happens after midnight? how about nothin good happens EVER
— Dan Licata (@danlicatasucks) June 27, 2018
2 years ago in The Good Place writers room @jenstatsky threw something at @joemande then said “joe, don’t retaliate, you’re better than this” and i think about it every single time a republican politician publicly tsk-tsks somebody for not being “civil”
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) June 27, 2018
I cannot stop laughing at “I’m the goofiest motherfucker you could possibly know.” pic.twitter.com/3Q1W0TCg35
— Grace: Pride Form Omega (@GraceGThomas) June 26, 2018
You will not make the funniest BDE joke. Nether will I. Instead? Let’s cut our losses and work to build a brighter future together, while we can.
— Amy Zimmer (@oneamyzimmer) June 27, 2018
nancy is real af pic.twitter.com/Tb8InlmL0z
— faboolah (@azninthesun) June 25, 2018
I will not look up big dick energy I will not look up big dick energy I will not look up big dick energy I will not look up big dick energy I will not look up big dick energy
end me
— Shannon Odell (@shodell) June 27, 2018
one apartment in my complex smokes pot all day and you can smell it in the hallway and I guess another apartment in my building got sick of it pic.twitter.com/UNbFOY8NCa
— maura quint (@behindyourback) June 27, 2018
the concept of a missing bird is wild…..like he flew away Bitch pic.twitter.com/KpN3TMSBJq
— Emma Specter (@EmmaSpecter) June 27, 2018
Ice T, it is 8:30 in the morning https://t.co/RSpeVAwB8G
— brian, an idiot, rafter (@WerewolfBathtub) June 26, 2018
What’s your fav part of reality. Me, I enjoy being angry all day about things that are out of my control
— Nick Wiger (@nickwiger) June 26, 2018
Big thanks to @THR for asking me to contribute this lil guide to my favorite vacation spot in the world 🙂 pic.twitter.com/FTpKoPc3Fv
— Harris Mayersohn (@harrismayer) June 25, 2018
that-dril-tweet.png https://t.co/y8Mltarxnf
— Joseph Fink (@PlanetofFinks) June 25, 2018
pay me $400 and i’ll click this link and watch in full pic.twitter.com/uAQV5mEhYU
— SARAH SQUIRM (@SarahSquirm) June 25, 2018
WESTWORLD : you may ask, what is free will? Is it an illusion? The answer is yes.
HBO Exec: (pantomiming wildly to pad things out)
WESTWORLD:…or is it? Let’s take 3 more seasons to explain.— chris person (@Papapishu) June 25, 2018