4.5

Tedious Spy Romp Argylle Is Another Movie in a Garish Pattern

By Michael Burgin  |  February 5, 2024 | 10:00am
Movies Reviews Matthew Vaughn
Tedious Spy Romp Argylle Is Another Movie in a Garish Pattern
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Argylle opens with a (much promoted) premise that many filmgoers will find intriguing, if not familiar: Something supposedly fictional an author is writing may, in fact, be true! In this case, could the spy hijinks involving the film’s titular character (Henry Cavill) and written about by author Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard) somehow actually be describing real organizations, people and threats? If yes, how exactly is that possible? If no, what’s wrong with Conway? (To be fair, trailers for Argylle and the film itself quickly discard that second question.) What Matthew Vaughn’s latest film does try to keep closer to the vest is whether Conway’s connection with the events she writes has a perfectly logical explanation (as with Sandra Bullock’s Loretta Sage in The Lost City) or lies more in a realm of the supernatural (think the control Emma Thompson’s Karen Eiffel has over her characters in Stranger than Fiction).

By the time Sam Rockwell’s scruffy, self-confessed spy, Aidan, enters and the nameless henchmen start dying, it’s a question of how clever Argylle will be and how much fun will we have watching another spy-infused, stylish caper from the same director who gave us Kingsman: The Secret Service (itself a fun romp through a Bond-adjacent playground)? Unfortunately, the answers are “not very” and “not much,” though it’s certainly not for lack of trying. 

On the surface, Vaughn’s latest effort possesses an aggressively packaged charm. The ensemble cast seems calculated to trip at least one “fave” from the widest possible population of potential viewers. Cavill. John Cena. Bryan Cranston. Catherine O’Hara. Samuel L. Jackson. Ariana DeBose. Dua Lipa. A cat. It’s a who’s who of “Oh, I like him/her/movies with cats!” Any one of which might convince someone to buy a ticket. 

But much as a beautifully wrapped box can disappoint with what’s inside, any initial excitement engendered by Argylle’s cast and premise wears away as the supposed ensemble proves more a semblance, the “twists” become tedious and the film suffers from a gradual decay of the many “realities” needed to undergird any story that wants to tread the fantastic.

Despite an opening sequence featuring Cavill, Cena, DeBose and Lipa (and Richard E. Grant in an appearance shorter than this parenthetical took to type), most of Argylle’s runtime rests on the shoulders of Howard and Rockwell. They’re game, but Rockwell’s hench-homiciding—so many nameless henchman—and Howard’s extended “Eek, I’m helpless” riff get tiring. (As does Alfie the cat, whose presence I suppose is deemed necessary to sell Conway as the “socially inept cat lady” and give the unnecessary CGI crew a paycheck.)

Then there are the twists. A good twist doesn’t just surprise, it surprises in a way that, in hindsight, makes perfect sense—the clues were there all along! The twists in Argylle feel less like surprises and more like inevitable roads the script has to go down because there are two hours and 20 minutes to kill in this baby. As a result, the film has barely more suspense than an old Scooby-Doo episode. When a twist of note does happen—Elly’s antecedents are less Bullock’s Sage and Thompson’s Eiffel but more Geena Davis’ Samantha Caine—well, by then the wheels of absurdity are so routinely flying off the narrative that it’s hard to enjoy what’s left of the ride.

It’s too often ignored in genre films involving the fantastical, but suspension of disbelief is a gift given by an audience to a storyteller on the condition that the story told will feel real despite all the stuff that’s manifestly not true. Superman can fly, but gravity still works on the normies. There’s a magic spigot that spews forth an endless supply of henchmen, but bullets still abide by the laws of physics. If you ignore too many of the “realities” in a movie, it can come across as actively dismissive of your audience. That’s not to say Vaughn and scriptwriter Jason Fuchs are trying to insult us, but Aidan and Elly’s henchmen-holing Holi festival for two and the crude oil-capades that follow come across as sequences that even a group of 10-year-olds hopped up on Mountain Dew would wince at.

For a cool $200 million and this cast, I would have gladly taken less marketing mystery on the front end and more rigor in the actual story.

Director: Matthew Vaughn
Writer: Jason Fuchs
Starring: Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Bryan Cranston, Henry Cavill, Catherine O’Hara, Samuel L. Jackson, John Cena, Dua Lipa, Ariana DeBose, Sofia Boutella, Richard E. Grant
Release Date: February 2, 2024 

Michael Burgin reviews movies from time to time.

 
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