Underworld: Blood Wars

Five years have passed since the last film in the Underworld series, a franchise now 14 years old and five films long, signaled an Awakening for the cinematic lineage. Vampires, eternal though they may be, are no longer in vogue as they were in the late 2000s—more fashionable are franchise movies, which once upon a time were merely “popular” in the studio system and are now ubiquitous. Thus, coupled with the Underworld series’ box office durability, Underworld: Blood Wars’ production and release were always just an inevitability despite the downturn in the blood suckers’ cultural cachet.
Just because something is inevitable doesn’t mean it has to be terrible. Yet, as each entry in the Underworld franchise is worse than the one before it, the wanton awfulness of Underworld: Blood Wars isn’t especially shocking. If anything, the film’s condition is in keeping with the overarching badness of its forebears, which at least have something resembling structure, plot goals, and a plan for seeing those goals achieved. The White Wolf-cum-Matrix mimicry of the first film (2003), for example, and the supernatural medieval romantic drama of Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009) both have a solid narrative backbone, a throughline that lends each a sense of coherence. They aren’t particularly good, but they’re rife with the self-assurance that comes from being complete. They’re the best cuts of the movies they want to be.
The same can’t really be said of Underworld: Blood Wars, which feels reckless and rushed, as though someone at Screen Gems was in a big screaming hurry just to get it wrapped up and in multiplexes. The film rockets from point A to point C and totally skips over point B on the way, hitting beat after beat without ever sparing a second for its story developments and its action sequences to breathe. The Underworld saga clearly has its fans, and they’ve clearly got enough pull to convince studios to make more Underworld movies, “pull” meaning “money.” But their funding wasn’t sufficient to positively influence Underworld: Blood Wars’ quality, so here we are, staring down the fourth chapter in the franchise to open in January, the month where crummy movies go to die.
If your memory of what all has happened in Underworld’s present tense is shaky, fear not: Underworld: Blood Wars begins by recapping the events of the first, second and fourth films, excluding the third on account of it being a prequel set in vampiric antiquity. We’re back again with the Death Dealer Selene (Kate Beckinsale), a vampire soldier once dedicated to killin’ Lycans, the films’ colloquialism for “werewolf,” who is now on the run from Lycans and her own kind for committing a handful of interspecies party fouls: She killed a pair of vampire Elders, she had relations with a human-turned-Lycan-turned-vampire-Lycan-hybrid (it’s a long story) and she mothered a child whose blood is an essential ingredient in allowing her Lycan foes to create an army of vampire-Lycan hybrids, which would spell the end of the vampire race.