If you like schadenfreude, you don’t want to miss the story of what went down at pharma bro Martin Shkreli’s sentencing hearing today (spoiler: he got seven years, though not for the thing that should have ruined him). First off, his own lawyer said he sometimes wants to punch him. Second, the dude actually started crying. From Mashable:
shkreli is crying at his sentencing right now
— allie conti (@allie_conti) March 9, 2018
#Shkreli: “There is so much more I want to do, and I will do it, the right way.” Shkreli breaking down in tears as he says Brafman has mentored and advised him.
— Meg Tirrell (@megtirrell) March 9, 2018
Shkreli now sobbing: “Those who looked up to me… reassess my position. This is my fault.” #PharmaBro#Shkreli@wcbs880
— Ethan Harp (@EthanHarpNews) March 9, 2018
Pardon me a moment while I prepare my sympathy face…ahem:
“Tough stuff. Really tough stuff.”
That’s all I’ve got. But it’s not all Twitter had—not by a longshot. The schadenfreude was thick in tweet-world, where a whole lot of people seemed to enjoy the idea of Shkreli in tears. Here’s a collection of the best.
Every time a #Shkreli tear falls, a cancer patient gets their meds. #PharmaBro#Boyvillain#ThisIsForWuTang
— HotMessMama (@TaylorPollino) March 9, 2018
Just so there is no confusion: I think it is great and also funny that Martin Shkreli is going to prison.
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) March 9, 2018
Judge raises Shkreli’s annual time spent in prison by 700 percent https://t.co/Y6uUPejOL3
— Alex Horton (@AlexHortonTX) March 9, 2018
Judge sentences Shkreli to two years as White House Communications Director
— Tom Gara (@tomgara) March 9, 2018
America gonna need that footage of Martin Shkreli crying in court for the memes
— Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC) March 9, 2018
Good pic.twitter.com/WtxIpIsXro
— Capuchin Mindset (@DoctorPZaius) March 9, 2018
Oh my god Shkreli tears are the second-best tears
— Emily G, Cville. (@EmilyGorcenski) March 9, 2018
the night before Trump was inaugurated Shkreli threatened to break a Heineken bottle over my head for asking a question, told me BuzzFeed would be gone in a year, said it was “his time now” https://t.co/FaEc1tweb6
— Charlie Warzel (@cwarzel) March 9, 2018
I would pay real money for a small jar of Martin Shkreli’s tears.
— at Joey Beef (@Joe_Beef) March 9, 2018
On sale now, Martin Shkreli tears. Only 5000% markup.
— Napier (@napier03) March 9, 2018
Martin Shkreli: sometimes it feels like the only person who actually has my back is my lawyer
Lawyer: pic.twitter.com/OzmOfOVChd
— Sebastian Murdock (@SebastianMurdoc) March 9, 2018
The Tears of Shkreli are a critical material component of many powerful spells including Mordenkainen’s Inexorable Schadenfreude https://t.co/0YqLSWZRPt
— Sirma’am Surname (@snurri) March 9, 2018
Fuckin’ Martin Shkreli tears pic.twitter.com/3qcgtIYhvL
— Chris Packham (@chrispackhamGO) March 9, 2018
This was a particularly good year for Shkreli tears. (Sniffs) Delightful bouquet…(sips) Mmm, a bit tangy, but not too ostentatious. A delightful vintage. https://t.co/oxfrMDdMqb
— Tony Goldmark (@tonygoldmark) March 9, 2018
Sttill mad they’re calling Shkreli “pharma bro”. He’s a pharma lil nerd
— the pinp (@EMlNEMOBAMA) March 9, 2018
The only seasoning your food requires this day is Martin Shkreli’s tears. https://t.co/DdplP1c36B
— Kat Kinsman (@kittenwithawhip) March 9, 2018
dont tear-shame martin shkreli: my column
— DougExeter (@DougExeter) March 9, 2018