Shkreli Cries, Twitter Laughs

If you like schadenfreude, you don’t want to miss the story of what went down at pharma bro Martin Shkreli’s sentencing hearing today (spoiler: he got seven years, though not for the thing that should have ruined him). First off, his own lawyer said he sometimes wants to punch him. Second, the dude actually started crying. From Mashable:

shkreli is crying at his sentencing right now
— allie conti (@allie_conti) March 9, 2018

#Shkreli: “There is so much more I want to do, and I will do it, the right way.” Shkreli breaking down in tears as he says Brafman has mentored and advised him.
— Meg Tirrell (@megtirrell) March 9, 2018

Shkreli now sobbing: “Those who looked up to me… reassess my position. This is my fault.” #PharmaBro #Shkreli @wcbs880
Most Popular
Paste Power Rankings: The 5 Best TV Shows on Right Now
Exclusive Excerpt: A Young Weaver Struggles to Make Ends Meet in Beguiled
Nope Is American Mythmaking Done Right
— Ethan Harp (@EthanHarpNews) March 9, 2018

Pardon me a moment while I prepare my sympathy face…ahem:

“Tough stuff. Really tough stuff.”

That’s all I’ve got. But it’s not all Twitter had—not by a longshot. The schadenfreude was thick in tweet-world, where a whole lot of people seemed to enjoy the idea of Shkreli in tears. Here’s a collection of the best.

Every time a #Shkreli tear falls, a cancer patient gets their meds. #PharmaBro #Boyvillain #ThisIsForWuTang
— HotMessMama (@TaylorPollino) March 9, 2018

Just so there is no confusion: I think it is great and also funny that Martin Shkreli is going to prison.
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) March 9, 2018

Judge raises Shkreli’s annual time spent in prison by 700 percent https://t.co/Y6uUPejOL3
— Alex Horton (@AlexHortonTX) March 9, 2018

Judge sentences Shkreli to two years as White House Communications Director
— Tom Gara (@tomgara) March 9, 2018

America gonna need that footage of Martin Shkreli crying in court for the memes
— Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC) March 9, 2018

Good pic.twitter.com/WtxIpIsXro
— Capuchin Mindset (@DoctorPZaius) March 9, 2018

Oh my god Shkreli tears are the second-best tears
— Emily G, Cville. (@EmilyGorcenski) March 9, 2018

the night before Trump was inaugurated Shkreli threatened to break a Heineken bottle over my head for asking a question, told me BuzzFeed would be gone in a year, said it was “his time now” https://t.co/FaEc1tweb6
— Charlie Warzel (@cwarzel) March 9, 2018

I would pay real money for a small jar of Martin Shkreli’s tears.
Related Content
"Pharma Bro" Martin Shkreli Lists One-of-a-Kind Wu-Tang Album on eBay
All Hail the Prince of Dorkness: On Martin Shkreli’s Livestream
— at Joey Beef (@Joe_Beef) March 9, 2018

On sale now, Martin Shkreli tears. Only 5000% markup.
— Napier (@napier03) March 9, 2018

Martin Shkreli: sometimes it feels like the only person who actually has my back is my lawyer
Lawyer: pic.twitter.com/OzmOfOVChd
— Sebastian Murdock (@SebastianMurdoc) March 9, 2018

The Tears of Shkreli are a critical material component of many powerful spells including Mordenkainen’s Inexorable Schadenfreude https://t.co/0YqLSWZRPt
— Sirma’am Surname (@snurri) March 9, 2018

Fuckin’ Martin Shkreli tears pic.twitter.com/3qcgtIYhvL
— Chris Packham (@chrispackhamGO) March 9, 2018

This was a particularly good year for Shkreli tears. (Sniffs) Delightful bouquet…(sips) Mmm, a bit tangy, but not too ostentatious. A delightful vintage. https://t.co/oxfrMDdMqb
— Tony Goldmark (@tonygoldmark) March 9, 2018

Sttill mad they’re calling Shkreli “pharma bro”. He’s a pharma lil nerd
— the pinp (@EMlNEMOBAMA) March 9, 2018

The only seasoning your food requires this day is Martin Shkreli’s tears. https://t.co/DdplP1c36B
— Kat Kinsman (@kittenwithawhip) March 9, 2018

dont tear-shame martin shkreli: my column
— DougExeter (@DougExeter) March 9, 2018