The Funniest Tweets About Sean Hannity Being Michael Cohen’s Third Client
Photo by Theo Wargo / Getty Images Comedy Lists Sean Hannity
Michael Cohen, the Trump lawyer whose office was raided by the FBI last week, had a pretty exclusive client list. We knew he represented Trump, and facilitated the payments made to porn star Stormy Daniels. We knew he also facilitated a $1.6 million payment to a Playmate who got pregnant during an affair with Elliott Broidy, the former deputy finance chair for the Republican National Committee. We also knew he had a third client whose identity Cohen wanted to keep secret in order to preserve their reputation.
Judges don’t always care about reputations, though, and today Cohen’s lawyers had to reveal that third client. The mystery man was none other than Sean Hannity, Fox News’s chief braying jackass since O’Reilly was fired, who has regularly “reported” on the Cohen situation on his Fox show. Yes, purported “journalist” Sean Hannity regularly used his radio and TV shows to attack the FBI investigation into a lawyer who he was working with. That’s, uh, not exactly ethical.
Also, though, look at what we know about Cohen and his clients: they use Cohen to pay off women who could ruin their reputations. Is that why Hannity retained Cohen? Is that why Cohen didn’t want to reveal the name of his third client? What does this mean for Hannity’s future?
Well, for all that you’ll have to tune into our politics section. I can’t divine Hannity’s future—I am but a comedy editor—but I can tell you about his present, and specifically how he’s getting absolutely roasted alive on Twitter. That shouldn’t be a surprise; Hannity’s been a shameless partisan hack for over two decades, making a fortune off of lying to his listeners and viewers, and that’s made dunking on him pretty much an official sport for Twitter comedians. (Remember, this is the guy who had an absurd Twitter war with Jimmy Kimmel just two weeks ago.) Today might be a bad day for Hannity (whose daily radio show apparently started to confusion just minutes after the news broke) but it’s a good day for jokes about how terrible he’s always been. (Oh, and also a good day for America.)
Here are some of the funniest tweets about Sean Hannity being Cohen’s third client, from some of the best comedians on Twitter.
Sean Hannity ending up as Trump’s cellmate would be the perfect Twilight Zone ending for him.
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) April 16, 2018
at this point my only question is if Sean Hannity announces he’s going on vacation until the Cohen investigation is complete does that mean Jimmy Kimmel owes him a jet ski?
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) April 16, 2018
I think I’m happier about bad things happening to Sean Hannity than the people who just won Pulitzers are about their prizes.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) April 16, 2018
I’m going to need to take a leave of absence from the show so I can dedicate myself to trolling Sean Hannity full time.
— andy lassner (@andylassner) April 16, 2018
Live look at every journalist in America trying to find out what exactly Michael Cohen did for Sean Hannity, pic.twitter.com/K0bnOfIuZG
— Warriors Kamau Bell (@wkamaubell) April 16, 2018
Sean Hannity, to an enchanted fortune telling machine, April 2017: “By this time next year, I want the word ‘Pulitzer’ next to my name.” pic.twitter.com/bH0ONLM12l
— michael cohen’s mystery client (@morninggloria) April 16, 2018
I know it’s easy for all of us to make fun of Sean Hannity, but please remember that he pushed a conspiracy theory that forced the parents of a murdered man to beg him to stop so fuck him, fuck him in his dead lego face
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) April 16, 2018
Reports indicate Sean Hannity may have had an improper relationship with a “Ruth Chris,” meeting with this mysterious woman upwards of 15 times a week. More on this as it develops.
— Stefan Heck (@boring_as_heck) April 16, 2018
Sean Hannity. pic.twitter.com/Je74F9ueb4
— Scott Tobias (@scott_tobias) April 16, 2018
Sean Hannity spent every single ounce of his time and energy for the last two years breathlessly supporting Donald trump and all it got him was all of his sex pervert secrets revealed in federal court
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) April 16, 2018
????and the wind whispers / SEAN HANNITY????
— Rhea “LeBron 4eva” Butcher ???????? (@RheaButcher) April 16, 2018
Really looking forward to Sean Hannity’s turn as a visiting fellow at the Institute of Politics at Harvard’s Kennedy School.
— Nicole Hemmer (@pastpunditry) April 16, 2018
All I ask is that everyone treat Sean Hannity with the same measured respect that he would treat any political journalist if it was revealed that journalist had once been represented in a minor traffic dispute by one of Barack Obama‘s attorneys.
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) April 16, 2018
It’s like Trump, but the women paid bribes to keep from being embarrassed having fucked Hannity https://t.co/3C0lgneLqb
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) April 16, 2018
Ending with Sean Hannity is a spot on use of the rule of 3’s
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) April 16, 2018
It’s almost as if hypocritical, misogynistic kleptocrats have backed themselves into a corner by aligning with social conservatives to fool the moral majority. @seanhannity … almost.
— Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) April 16, 2018
From now on I will only refer to Sean Hannity as “Client Number Three”
— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) April 16, 2018
Sean Hannity is the hidden lovechild
— michael cohen’s mystery client (@morninggloria) April 16, 2018
hannity getting revealed as cohen’s secret third client is some season finale shit
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) April 16, 2018
Fox News responds to the breaking Hannity news by airing a marsthon of the 1980s cartoon “Denver the Last Dinosaur”
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) April 16, 2018
I mean. Hannity. It’s too much. It’s too much. It’s so predictable that it’s unpredictable. God needs to do more rewriting.
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) April 16, 2018
CNN: Michael Cohen’s third client is Sean Hannity.
MSNBC: Michael Cohen’s third client is Sean Hannity.
Fox News: This baby goat looks like James Cromwell.— Dave Holmes (@DaveHolmes) April 16, 2018
The internet really shouldn’t scare me like this, having “Sean Hannity” and “Pulitzer” trending at the same time.
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) April 16, 2018
I AM ACTUALLY GIDDY WITH JOY OVER THIS SEAN HANNITY NEWS. I REMEMBER THIS FEELING IT IS GOOD.
— Desi (@DesiJed) April 16, 2018
Uh, brah, you should probs flip on the tv. @seanhannityhttps://t.co/8C1HQd9lOE
— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) April 16, 2018
Thoughts and prayers to whoever fucked Sean Hannity
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) April 16, 2018
Sean Hannity being the third man is the most pro wrestling reveal I’ve ever seen. #NWOforlife
— Jake Plunkett (@JakePlunkett) April 16, 2018
Really looking forward to Sean Hannity’s show tonight, which is slated to be an in depth look at [checks notes]… Monica Lewinsky? https://t.co/7j5YpSTCap
— Jules Suzdaltsev (@jules_su) April 16, 2018
(Sean Hannity furiously googles whether Judge Kimba Wood ever co-hosted “The Man Show”.)
— Tim Carvell (@timcarvell) April 16, 2018
hey guys leave Sean Hannity alone just kidding lol
— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) April 16, 2018
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SEAN HANNITY? pic.twitter.com/OqWr6a12EZ
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) April 16, 2018
Sean Hannity getting all embarrassed today is the first time ive ever been happy he’s alive
— Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) April 16, 2018
MARVEL: infinity war is the most ambitious crossover event in history
REAL LIFE: https://t.co/WxvYnXXV8z— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) April 16, 2018
[year 2065]
GRANDSON: grandpa, why is today, April 16th, called “Content Christmas”?
ME: well Timmy, there was once a man named Sean Hannity, and boy did he love feet
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) April 16, 2018