Kara Danvers has joined the ranks of the millennial unemployed. This never would have happened if Cat were here.
Publishing an article to get the word out to thousands of at-risk aliens may have been the right thing to do. But there’s just one thing Kara overlooked in the process. No, not that fact that it would most definitely get her fired. Not the danger such an article could create with a certain sneaky DEO sister. Not even the fact that a quick check-in call with Lena would have let her know that a second source was on the way.
I think all of you, my oh-so-attractive, Internet savvy readers, know what I’m about to say. Danvers.com? Really? Put aside that fact that your blog would have about zero readership to spread the word, Kara. Everyone knows that a blog has to have a bit of personality. It can’t be all anonymously sourced news articles. So, without further ado, let’s dive right in and check out some potential blog titles and content summaries for a few of Supergirl’s characters.
1. Winn Schott: Twice Bitten, Thrice Shy
This blog practically writes itself. Mostly, it’s just Winn’s ruminations on the nature of love. Sometimes a bit angsty, it’s taken a more hopeful turn since Lyra entered the picture. Cute selfies of the couple and fun facts about Starhaven—did you know the air used to smell like cinnamon?—abound. Go far enough back in the archive, though, and you’ll find a distinctly romantic mash-up of Carl Sagan and Rumi quotes.
2. Unnamed Alien Daughter: Stop the Car, I Wanna Get Out
I’m guessing her name is Cathy. She looks like a Cathy to me. This site has lots of re-blogged pictures of Supergirl and embarrassing videos of her parents singing. Because if they insist on torturing her, she can at least get famous from it. And finally, all of the updates on One Direction you could hope for, though be forewarned: Cathy is one of those fans who’s sure Zayn will come back to the group any day now.
3. Shuster: The Red Duck Tape Diaries
Just kidnapping advice. Though obviously not very good kidnapping advice. Every article ends with the disclaimer that Shuster is a writer, and only uses this for reference. His followers often comment that the old “your tail light is busted” ploy is the lamest way to lure someone out of their car, and pretty much agree that making kitten noises would be way more effective.
4. Snapper Carr: Not-So-Fake News
Dedicated to calling out bad journalism, Snapper posts anonymously under the alias “Big Fish.” Most of his articles deal with the importance of journalistic integrity and the role of the fourth estate. Also pictures of his cat.
5. The Guardian: A Hero’s Guide to Heroing
A kind of vigilante hero DIY blog. James uses it to discuss why he got into the crime-fighting game to begin with, while offering helpful hints he’s learned while practicing his craft. The most recent article talks about the importance of prioritizing helpless alien kidnapees over competent ladies like Maggie and Alex, who definitely had their situation under control. He also features a lot of “Which Hero Are You?” Buzzfeed quizzes.
6. Jeremiah Danvers: Where in the World is Jeremiah Danvers?
Part science, part scavenger hunt, this blog is a bit of a mess. Sure, it talks about subjects like rain cycles and climate change, but every once in a while Danvers will start talking about human superiority and begin quoting Nietzsche. Not cool. Plus, there are a bunch of blurry pictures of what look like research labs tagged simply “Alex.” It’s a weird one. Readership is, unsurprisingly, down.
7. Lyra: Earth Boys Are Easy
A movie and pop culture blog (there’s always one, isn’t there?) with a slightly interstellar bent, Lyra spends most of her time focusing on the things she likes about her new home: beer, board games, and Dune. Sometimes she writes about things she doesn’t, including reality television and the lack of positive alien portrayal in the media. There are also an unexpected number of affectionately candid pictures of Winn.
8. Kara Danvers: I Don’t Need a Yellow Sun
It focuses on all the awesome social activism to be found in National City, with the occasional hard-hitting piece about Cadmus and the unfair treatment of alien families. There are a lot of pictures of Kara and Supergirl together, which makes some of Kara’s more loyal followers worry. They don’t want to see her become a target.
Katherine Siegel is a Chicago-based writer and director, and a regular contributor to Paste. You can find out more by checking out her website or follow her on Twitter.