The Funniest Tweets about the First Presidential Debate
Photo by Scott Olson, courtesy of Getty Images Comedy Lists Presidential Debates
It’s hard to laugh about a debate where the sitting president refuses to disavow white supremacists, repeatedly lies throughout, and encourages his supporters to “watch” polling place, but what else could anybody expect from Trump? Tonight’s debate was an absolute disaster, with Trump bloviating like an abuser trying to break his victim, and moderator Chris Wallace catastrophically failing at his job. If you somehow still had any hope for America, maybe these 90 minutes finally smartened you up.
Still, though, despite being an utter black hole of comedy, hope, optimism, and anything else remotely positive, this debate couldn’t go untweeted. I’m going to take a page from our president and confidently state, with absolutely no evidence or research whatsoever, that over 90% of tweets sent between 9 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. ET were about the debate. The vast majority of them were prosaic or generic or repetitive or even downright terrible. A small select few were legitimately funny, though, and those are the ones gathered here below. Relive the latest embarrassment to befall our failing democracy, now in convenient tweet form, and make sure you follow all the people who wrote ‘em. And get ready for further indignities when the next debate happens next week.
— Brian Tashman (@briantashman) September 30, 2020
Whether you’re pulling for Donald Trump or Joe Biden, I think we can all agree that tonight is a great night for politics fans. Personally, I’m just rooting for a great game.
— Eric Levitz (@EricLevitz) September 30, 2020
Tonights debate is gonna be like a UFC fight, there’s a possibility one of them could go to sleep.
— mark normand (@marknorm) September 29, 2020
Hello world. Can we just skip the next 90 minutes of existence? Thanks.
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) September 30, 2020
Not fair that Biden is cheating tonight by having access to a soul
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) September 30, 2020
In honor of Halloween season, tonight the television will be showing a fight between skeleton and pumpkin
— a jack-o’-lantern head on a skeleton body (@HelloCullen) September 29, 2020
i’ve died https://t.co/UHwDB3EywZ
— B.A., political science (@InternetHippo) September 30, 2020
Twelve minutes in and I’m ready to hurl myself into the sun
— A$AP CURRY (@lisa_curry) September 30, 2020
So many white guys talking over each other it feels like a podcast #2020Debates
— kai choyce (@kaichoyce) September 30, 2020
Honestly didn’t think anything could get me excited to watch baseball and then along came this debate
— RheA C A Butcher (@RheaButcher) September 30, 2020
This whole debate feels like a new improv show called “Whose Lawn is it Anyway?”
— Langston Thee Show Pony (@LangstonKerman) September 30, 2020
I’m learning so much about politic’s right now
— Aaron (@BobbyBigWheel) September 30, 2020
Trump dodging questions like they’re income taxes
— Erin GrudgePAC Ryan (@morninggloria) September 30, 2020
Normalize asking the President “are you fucking stupid?”
— Dewayne Perkins (@DewaynePerkins) September 30, 2020
It’s like two of the bed-ridden Grandpas from Willy Wonka arguing about whose foot is touching whose balls
— Rob SCARE-idan Wears A Mask #BLM #ArtIsResistance (@rob_sheridan) September 30, 2020
Trump has the statesmanship of a guy selling a condo to a person who does not want to buy a condo.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) September 30, 2020
This feels like when you can hear Mom and Hitler fighting in the other room
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) September 30, 2020
This debate is more anxiety-inducing than Uncut Gems
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) September 30, 2020
This debate is unfortunately between a steamroller with no operator & a Roomba that got stuck in a corner
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 30, 2020
This debate explains why parents always just give their kids the damn iPad.
— Jarrett Bellini (@JarrettBellini) September 30, 2020
this is like if Robert Altman’s drug of choice was meth
— PAPPADEMAS (@PAPPADEMAS) September 30, 2020
This is Real Housewives for dorks
— Aaron (@BobbyBigWheel) September 30, 2020
if you think the debate is bad allow me to plant in your head the idea of jim carrey and alec baldwin making you relive it in four nights
— Seth Simons (@sasimons) September 30, 2020
Huge if true pic.twitter.com/NXeTcyle9P
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) September 30, 2020
This debate sounds like if white barbershops were like black barbershops.
— FOST (@GeorgeFoster72) September 30, 2020
I’d shut this off if they weren’t both so fucking hot.
— Jesse Case (@jessecase) September 30, 2020
I was worried one of the people onstage might have a heart attack tonight but now I’m only worried about myself. #debates
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) September 30, 2020
It’s like watching a calm composed human being debating a rabid Orangutan.
— Josh Gad (@joshgad) September 30, 2020
was gonna live tweet this but it’s hard to type and tie this noose at the same time. #Debate2020
— Moshe Kasher (@moshekasher) September 30, 2020
The moderator getting treated like a substitute teacher
— El Presidente of Griselda Records (@el_budget) September 30, 2020
This election is very simple: Trump is counting on us to be fucking morons. Biden is counting on us to just not be fucking morons.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) September 30, 2020
My TV just shut itself off and jumped in the garbage can. #Debates2020
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) September 30, 2020
is this what white thanksgiving is like
— Rembert Browne (@rembert) September 30, 2020
chris wallace: The terms for the debate have been established. Both campaigns have agreed if anyone runs over their time, I will say “mr president mr president mr president mr president mr pres-mr president mr president mr president mr president mr presid-mr president”
— phil (@PhilJamesson) September 30, 2020
Just piecing this together from the timeline but I’m getting a sense this is unfolding as “Lloyd Bridges In Seinfeld vs. Lloyd Bridges In Airplane” on balance?
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) September 30, 2020
i feel like we just got very close to trump saying the gamer word on-camera
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) September 30, 2020
If I only had 2 minutes left to live, I’d let Chris Wallace moderate them because it would feel like fucking forever
— Dashiell Driscoll (@dashiell) September 30, 2020
Trump: What Netflix did to Evangelion was terrible. Just terrible. And Joe Biden knows it. The new subtitles, they took away all the nuance. All of it. And the way they treated the original voice actors was disgusting. It was disgusting…
Biden (chuckling): C’mon man— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) September 30, 2020
listen just let trump party with hunter i think that is what he is really after
— lana schwartz (@_lanabelle) September 30, 2020
nixon looked a little sweaty at one debate and our parents talked about that for decades
— Steadman™ (@AsteadWesley) September 30, 2020
As a comedian/improviser, I volunteer to yell crazy shit at Joe Biden to help him prep for the next debate. I did improv with drunk dudes live onstage. I got this.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) September 30, 2020
The winner of tonight’s debate was the opioid epidemic
— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) September 30, 2020
melania: i love my large broke greasy and mean husband
— Erin GrudgePAC Ryan (@morninggloria) September 30, 2020
This is a 90 minute commercial for Canada
— bryan (@bryanyang) September 30, 2020
If two women were debating it’d be twice as mean with no interrupting
— Nori Reed (@nori_reed) September 30, 2020
wallace: condemn white supremacy
biden: yeah say itthe president: pic.twitter.com/pJk5UGiXeK
— ziwe (@ziwe) September 30, 2020
“Fuck. There’s another debate NEXT WEEK???” – literally everyone
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) September 30, 2020