Cooking The Simpsons: Christmas Edition

The holidays are upon us, and as Bart would say, “Christmas is the time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.” Amen. Since The Simpsons has a decent number of Christmas-themed episodes (starting with the very first one, penned by the great Mimi Pond), this month’s edition of Cooking The Simpsons calls for a holiday treat. I picked one of my favorite holiday episodes: Season 9’s “Miracle on Evergreen Terrace.”

It’s Christmas Eve, and the Simpsons are doing Christmas-y stuff: last minute shopping, sitting by the fire, putting up “craptacular” Christmas lights, ignoring Grandpa. And Marge has made cookies for the kids: Christmas trees for the girls, and bloody spear heads for Bart (more on that later). The next morning, Bart gets up early to inspect his presents, finding an awesome fire truck. He quickly starts an electrical fire and burns down the plastic tree and presents into a bubbling pile of goo. Ashamed, he hides the now-hardened mass in the yard and covers it with snow, telling the the family that a burglar stole everything. The Simpsons are despondent, and while walking to the retirement home, they see scenes of ridiculous Christmas morning revelry. Ned and family have a new unicycle and pony, and the Hibberts have a matching set of snowmobiles (“nothing is as fun as that looks”).

Kent Brockman gets wind of the tragedy and covers the story, alerting the whole town which comes to the Simpsons aid. In true It’s a Wonderful Life fashion, Springfielders give generously and they end up with $15,000. The family purchases a new car but, on the way home, it spins on the icy road and sinks/explodes. Bart feels so bad about his lie that he tells the family the next morning, and when Brockman returns, the news crew discovers the melted tree in the yard. The townspeople are furious and an angry mob ensues. The Simpsons want to repay the town, but lacking the money, Marge has a quick but tragic turn on Jeopardy! (with special guest Alex Trebek). When they return home, the town has ransacked their house and taken all of their belongings, but in turn has forgiven them. The episode ends like all Christmas episodes should: with the family fighting over a single washcloth.

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As far as Simpsons recipes go this is a pretty straightforward one, but it’s also fun and you end up with cookies to eat. You’ll need a Christmas tree cookie cutter, cookie dough, a rolling pin, a few sandwich bags, and icing, including black icing. I used store-bought black icing (not gel), because God only knows how you make black icing, and mixed it with a bit of white icing to make it a gray-ish color. The only problem is that once you add white to black icing, you realize it’s not really black…so I left mine on the darker side. Mmm…food coloring. See below for the recipe!

Marge’s Christmas Cut-Outs

1 recipe sugar cookie cut-outs, store-bought or homemade (I used this recipe)
1 small tube of black icing
2 cups powdered sugar
3 to 5 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
red food coloring
green food coloring

special equipment: Christmas tree cookie cutter, rolling pin, 3 sandwich bags (zip top), scissors

Mix up, roll out, cut, and bake cookies according to package or recipe instructions. Let cool completely.
In a large bowl, combine the powdered sugar, vanilla, and just enough milk to make it mixable and smooth but not overly runny.
Reserving a few tablespoons to lighten up the black icing, put at least ? of the icing in one bowl (for green) and the rest in another bowl (for red). Color with food coloring. Spoon into separate sandwich bags, squeeze out the air, and zip the top.
Mix the black icing with the reserved white icing to make grey. Add to the third sandwich bag.
Snip one bottom edge of each sandwich bag to make a small hole for the icing. The hole should be big enough for the icing to escape but not so big that you don’t have control when the icing squeezes out.
Decorate the Christmas trees by drawing a green border about ¼-inch for the edge and then filling it in.
Decorate the bloody spear heads by using the same technique with the grey icing (using a knife to help it fill in if it’s too thick), and then using the red icing to draw dripping blood on the top and edges of the spear.
Let dry for several hours. Or just eat them, Homer style. Mmm…bloody spears.

I plan to have a Simpsons Christmas episode marathon and eat Christmas tree cookies and bloody spear heads, and I’d like to recommend that you do the same. And even though this episode of Cooking The Simpsons is a quickie, stay tuned for January’s edition—it’s a doozy (moon waffles, anyone?).

Laurel Randolph is a food and lifestyle writer hailing from Tennessee and living in Los Angeles. She enjoys cooking, baking and candlestick making. Tweet at her face: @laurelrandy.