An Open Letter to Young Boys Who Know How to Do Everything on Computers

Dear Young Boy Who Knows How To Do Everything On Computers,

As a woman nearing 30, I’ve come to find myself quite adept when assessing the value of men. Now, of course, you aren’t a man per se, but you’re well on your way there and I suspect only good things will come your way. For your parents who have probably scanned this letter to make sure you aren’t doing drugs or whatever their fear may be, don’t worry, I am not propositioning your tween boy. I am, however, reaching out in boundless gratitude to thank him for his instructional YouTube videos. They’ve launched my career and frankly have made me who I am today. And for that, young boy, thank you so much.

I am not, as one might say, “good at a lot of things,” and even more so, I am bad at “learning to be good at things.” I think that which I’m already good at I either learned at a very early age or was born with the skill already lodged into my DNA. But being that the world is cruel and unforgiving, and that with each year you age you’re more and more expected to know how to use Flash animation, I couldn’t rely on what I had. That is when I found you. And I continued to find you over and over and over again.

How do I emboss font? You have made the perfect demonstrative video.

How do I make a title look like it is engulfed in flames? A quick 14-minute instructional video was waiting for me online, led by you, of course.

Say I need to edit an entire video in 24 hours and sprinkle in quality special effects, in order to keep a job where I confidently stated I was able to do that. I only said that because I knew you were out there somewhere, untethered by adult responsibilities and unlucky enough that you have very little going on socially, so you’re able to create these tutorials that have literally buoyed me throughout my entire life. In times you’ve seen only my finished photoshop product, know that it was you that carried me. I am your precious child in the sand. You are my savior who probably has to be in bed before 10 p.m. or else you’ll have gaming privileges revoked.

You (or your parents who have intercepted this) may wonder why I felt it important to write this. And it is simple. This isn’t just a thank-you letter for literally getting me every freelance job I’ve been incredibly unqualified for. I’m not just simply thanking you for your efforts and praising you out of the fear you’ll one day charge for these lifesaving instructional videos. But I want you to know your place in this world. Every sound engineer, editor, director, or programmer up on any stage receiving any award owes their career to you. I don’t mean to sound so hyperbolic, but as it is one of the few skills I was born with, I cannot help it. And you were born with the ability to gently guide frantic young professionals towards a completed project.

But I also want to chime in and say: I hope you’re having fun. You’re a child. A child doesn’t need to involve themselves 24/7 with making a font glow from within. You’re not getting paid for this. Do you play sports or at least leave the dark confines of your bedroom plastered with sun-blocking curtains? Have you had at least five glasses of water today? I understand and appreciate your value, but do your peers at school? I’m not saying you have to be popular. Hell! None of those little fuckers could truly wrap their heads around your contributions to the creative class. But you have at least one buddy you can talk with? If yes, good. If not, feel free to write back. We can talk about crossword puzzles or odd celebrity friendships, which are thing I think I am very good at.

I don’t want to keep you too long. I’m sure you’re in the middle of creating the most calming and professional video on how to center a table in Microsoft Word and I’m even more sure there is a young twenty-something out there searching desperately for it. Know that you are an integral part in the fabric of this young nation. Giants can only stand so tall because they are on your nerdy shoulders.

I love you very much young boy,
Kady Ruth

Kady Ruth Ashcraft is a New York-based writer and comedian. Follow her on Twitter.