10 Candidates We Strongly Urge Donald Trump to Consider for Secretary of State
Photo c/o Tom Pennington/Getty
The first political question on everyone’s minds right now is: no n o no no non nono no. The second is: will President-elect Donald Trump choose a Secretary of State? My money is on “yes, probably.” While my knowledge of conservative politicians and news contributors isn’t extensive enough to compile a likely shortlist of candidates, I am good at thinking outside of the box—people have even told that to me, in those words. Applying this trademark thinking, I’ve instead put together a few of recommendations for who, if you really think about it, should sit at the big secretary’s desk.
1. A tumbleweed
Imagine a showdown between two powerful figures. They saunter into town from opposite ends of the road, fingers twitching at their holsters. Who do you imagine darting around in the dust between them? Rudy Giuliani? That’s not the case for me. I personally imagine a tumbleweed, or Madeleine Albright.
2. The inactive Nabisco Twitter account
This is a no-brainer. @nabisco joined Twitter three years ago and has managed to steer clear of controversy where some of our most hallowed brands—I’m looking at you, SpaghettiOs—have taken the wrong stance. How? Radio silence. An empty feed. I for one would like to see some of the other diplomatic tricks up their sleeve. Hire @nabisco as Secretary of State.
3. Everyone else named Donald
I’m not sure how this would work legally. Maybe you could get a roster of Donalds and have a different one every day. You could just pack a big room with Donalds and take a vote on every decision. When it’s just you and them, you could make Donald specific jokes and everyone would get them. You could meet your new best friend in that group. I think this is a good idea.
4. Hillary Clinton