Wowza, what a Star Wars! The spacemen did it again with their jets and glow sticks. And all those critters! Everyone here at Paste agrees that Star Wars totally happens, and in the movies, to boot. We’ve got the feeling here, and it’s so fine, and outer space stuff. Like lasers!
The world does it too, the Star Wars, all over the internet and face-to-face. The thoughts are ripe for sharing, and Twitter exists to share, and the sharing is free. It’s funny! These are the Star Wars thoughts you’ll most laugh with, in tune with the Last Jedi wave, and the dark glowing room that made it exist. Words are good, like Star Wars and The Last Jedi, and unlike the angry computer men.
(Paste tried to not do any spoiling here, but what you want to know is only known to you, so make care.)
2015: I can’t wait to see a new Star Wars. Wow! What a cool time we live in!
2017: In the future, mankind is naught but tweets and anger. The rich feast on the flesh of the poor. The only respite is moving images of space explosions. May it shut out the horror for 150 minutes.
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) December 14, 2017
the only thing Star Wars fans hate more than people who hate Star Wars, is Star Wars
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) December 15, 2017
You aren’t a real Star Wars fan unless you think the man who made Star Wars should be burned at the stake
— Pixelated Ho Ho Hoat (@pixelatedboat) December 15, 2017
Another year, another Star Wars that doesn’t end with the ships crashing into the giant words floating through space from the beginning of the movie ????
— Rachel Hastings (@rachelhastings) December 15, 2017
new star wars is fun but I have questions about the moment where luke’s eyes went black as he said “soon there will only be disney”
— crân-buri-ghân (@bromanconsul) December 15, 2017
wow I can’t believe it turned out the last Jedi was Jesus
— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) December 15, 2017
I’ll only see The Last Jedi if R2D2 jerks off inside a peach.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) December 13, 2017
If Star Wars is a “space opera” then anything can be an opera. Air Bud is a dog opera. Beethoven is also a dog opera. We have several dog operas.
— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) December 15, 2017
I hope everyone out there going to see Star Wars enjoys the 20-minute Olaf short before the movie.
— New Donk Casey Returns (@CaseyMalone) December 15, 2017
So fucking annoyed. Crowd at my Last Jedi screening wouldn’t stop chanting “The. Town. The. Town” over and over until the theater buckled and played Ben Affleck‘s The Town instead
— Dan Clyne (@danCLYNE) December 15, 2017
here’s a pull quote for the poster: “STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI is the horniest Star Wars movie yet”
— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) December 15, 2017
Look, not everywhere, just in, like, one theater, I really hope they screen the credits of the new Star Wars and then show 2.5 hours of Taylor Swift and Katy Perry feuding.
— maura “are jack and biz nazis?” quint (@behindyourback) December 14, 2017
Reading reactions from people who saw THE LAST JEDI tonight and am surprised by how few people are mentioning the scene where Luke says to Rey, “This is Sy Snootles, we are in love, we live on this Porg island and we do have sex.” Feels like a big scene
— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) December 15, 2017
A Spoiler-Free Ranking of Things in the New Star Wars
1. Porgs
2. Laura Dern in best space battle scene of her career
3. PORGS!!!!
4. Laura Dern’s hair
5. Laura Dern saying “Get this man off my bridge”
6. Laura Dern
7. When you think the porgs are gone but they show up again— We Wish You a Jarry Christmas (@JaredLogan) December 15, 2017
About to see The Last Jedi, a moment I’ve been waiting for ever since I saw The Force Awakens and thought it was pretty good.
— Nathan Rabin (@nathanrabin) December 15, 2017
Last Jedi is the best Star Wars movie when you judge it by the only criteria that matters to me (most scenes involving lactation)
— Pixelated Ho Ho Hoat (@pixelatedboat) December 14, 2017
Important ranking of Star Wars ships before I see The Last Jedi pic.twitter.com/QAXIXXAmmd
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) December 14, 2017
It’s really sad that key scenes from @rianjohnson‘s ‘Star Wars‘ movie leaked on the internet on opening day. I really hope it doesn’t affect the numbers. Don’t click this link. https://t.co/WRPtbknC9h
— edgarwright (@edgarwright) December 14, 2017
SPOILER ALERT: The new Star Wars movie doesn’t have a Death Star, but it does have a Death Pop-Up Store.
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) December 14, 2017
“Okay, but that had better be the LAST Jedi!” – overwhelmed sitcom dad who’s struggling with his daughter’s Jedi party, right before opening the front door to reveal dozens more Jedi, then his eyes go crossed, and that’s the ending of Star Wars: The Last Jedi
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) December 14, 2017