MoviePass Begins Selling Pun-Themed Merchandise, Ignores Death Knell in Background

It’s no secret that MoviePass has been in trouble for awhile. The company, which allows its nearly five million subscribers to pay $10 a month for entry into a certain number of movies per month, is on track to rack up a deficit of $45 million each month this summer. In an SEC filing last week, MoviePass estimated that it will need to earn $1.2 billion to support itself.

$1.2 billion is a whole lot of money and now, since somehow MoviePass’s decision to fund Gotti did not bring in the kind of revenue it hoped for, the company has made the Hail Mary pass decision to begin selling merchandise on its website, as Deadline points out. If MoviePass hopes to survive, the company will have to sell a whole lot of T-shirts, but maybe it’s working: As of Friday, the company’s stock prices are up from roughly one cent per share to a whopping 32. Pop the champagne.

The shirts come in either red, white or black, and each bear only the MoviePass logo in various font sizes, making the shirts (aside from a few Black Panther designs) shockingly plain.

However, this is not to say that the movie-inspired puns each piece of merch is titled after aren’t remarkable in their own unhinged way. Here’s the definitive list of all the MoviePass merchandise, ranked by the Rotten Tomatos scores of the movies that would be embarrassed to be associated with them:

8. Sleeves Like Us (32%) – Coming in rightfully at last place (since we’re not even 100 percent sure whether this is a pun on Spies Like Us), this long sleeve features a white MoviePass logo on a red Gildan t-shirt and costs $40 (the same amount of money you could use to purchase 125 shares of MoviePass stock).