Kyle Alexxander

Where Have You Gone?

Where Have You Gone? by Kyle Alexxander
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For fans of:Dorothy, Grandson, Arctic Monkeys, Bastille, DREAMERS
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  1. Where Have You Gone?
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Today, February 9th may be to you like any regular day. You wake up, get your morning coffee and go about your business but for me it begins with a bit heavier of an energy and cascading thoughts of grief. 5 years ago today, was the ending of a week I will never forget. Snow fell from the sky, as we laid to rest Danielle Nicole Schrenk. The actions of a young teenager with a gun set off a rippling affect in the timeline of my life that shook me to my very core. 12:04 am February 3rd as I lay asleep in bed my computer screen turns on with a message. I don’t know how and I rubbed it off as something strange but it’s an older message from Danielle. “No matter what happens know that I’ll always love you and you’ll always be my little brother”I read it and I think how strange it is that it just popped up on my computer. It was a message I had received months before why would it resurface? 3am. My lights in my room suddenly flash on and I open my eyes to the frantic words of my father I will never forget. “Danielle has been shot....it doesn’t look like she is going to make it we have to go right now”. Is this a dream? A nightmare? Reality sets in and we speed off to the hospital. For over 24 hours they try and do test after test for the slightest of brain activity but to no avail. I collapse to the floor and let out a scream of pain only so many of us know. That dark scream of utter despair. The feeling of having a million knives drove straight into my core. Nothing. No sign of life. The final call on February 4th she’s pronounced dead. I know now that message was a sign from her spirit telling me in the end that it was goodbye.

If you ask me I’ll be reluctant to speak about it for if I think about it, a darkness overcomes me; that same feeling of a million knives pierce my core once more and tears form behind my eyes. Danielle was in many ways like a sister to me. Various points in her life she would live with my us. She always went on vacations with us. Although she may have been my cousin, she was more of a sister. We’d wake up on Saturday mornings and put on mtv music videos and wait for “Stacy’s mom” to come on. She dyed my hair pink and we got into a little fight resulting in me falling into the Christmas tree but we blamed it on the dog knocking the tree down. We would dance around the house to “Blue” by Leanne Rimes. I’ll keep these memories for they’re all I have. As I wrote this song I saw a shadow in the corner of my eyes and burst into tears for I know it was you there. I could never finish a song about this experience until now. I didn’t want to go that deep into myself. Music had always been my outlet for my inner most feelings but this I couldn’t face for the longest time until now. This song is a story about one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known and miss so very much. Bean, Dannabanana, Danielle, I’ll always love you.

“ Danielle guess what? Nicole schrenk!” (Said like shrank a play on words replacing the word shrunk, an inside joke I’d always say to get in her nerves)

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