In addition to his affinity for woodworking, consuming whiskey and moonlighting as a jazz musician, Ron Swanson loves food. Specifically, he loves meat, other foods wrapped in meat and breakfast food. He dislikes just about everything else.
“I’m a simple man,” he says. “I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.” His ideal dish is a 16 oz T-bone and 24 oz porterhouse, a combo he calls the Turf ‘n’ Turf. Taking Ron’s specific tastes into consideration, here are some dishes Pawnee’s most bitter Libertarian might go for:
1. Bacon-Wrapped Double Pork Meatloaf
Aida Mollenkamp’s meat-wrapped-in-meat recipe has ‘Ron Swanson’ written all over it. If he calls bacon-wrapped shrimp “my number-one favorite food wrapped around my number-three favorite food,” then he’s sure to enjoy some pork bacon wrapped around more pork meatloaf.
2. Carl’s Jr. Breakfast Burger
Ideal for breakfast-lovers such as Ron, this 790-calorie sandwich incorporates several breakfast staples and is made up of eggs, bacon, American cheese, hashbrowns, ketchup and a beef patty. Ron could probably wolf this down on his way to the office or in between woodworking projects. After all, we know how profound his love is for bacon and eggs.
3. Jack in the Box Steak and Egg Burrito
Scrambled eggs, steak, chipotle sauce, hash browns, cheddar and pepperjack cheese, all wrapped in the warm embrace of a flour tortilla and served with a side of fire-roasted salsa (which probably won’t be spicy enough for Ron’s palette). Jack in the Box’s Steak and Egg Burrito is a typical meat-based breakfast with a kick, which, obviously, Ron can handle— and enjoy.
4. Hardee’s Monster Biscuit
The Hardee’s Monster Biscut is made from bacon, a sausage patty, slices of ham, an egg, two slices of American cheese and a biscuit. Ron doesn’t mess around when it comes to breakfast, and this hardcore sandwich provides him with three meats served up in the form of one breakfast item.
5. Steak ‘n Shake 7×7 Steakburger