Reality AF: The Golden Bachelorette’s Unexpected Lessons on Masculinity

By Terry Terrones  |  October 22, 2024 | 1:00pm
Photo by Ricky Middlesworth, courtesy of ABC/Disney
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Reality AF: The Golden Bachelorette’s Unexpected Lessons on Masculinity
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On the October 9, 2024 podcast of The Town, Puck’s Matt Belloni and Fergus Navaratnam-Blair of the National Research Group (NRG) had a fascinating conversation about how Hollywood presents masculinity to men.  

According to NRG’s research, when young men aged 13-30 were asked who they looked up to as role models they cited superheroes, fantasy characters, or cartoons. At the top of the list were Spider-Man, Batman, Superman, and Harry Potter. No real world characters or people were in the top 20. You can listen to the podcast here. 

The authors of the study state that Hollywood is selling young men a vision of masculinity that’s unobtainable. The study also points out the types of characteristics males 13-30 want to see are men who have meaningful friendships with other men, rely on others for support, and are sensitive and kind. Seeing men work as a team and recover from failure were also mentioned as important. I was reminded of all of these things while watching The Golden Bachelorette, an unexpected source of aspirational men. 

You might not think that a reality show about the dating lives of sexagenarians aiming to capture the heart of 61-year-old Golden Bachelorette Joan Vassos would be fertile ground for positive male role models. And to be fair, most males aged 13-30 probably aren’t watching this show unless their mother, girlfriend or wife talk them into it. That said, it’s loaded with genuine people who are fantastic examples of real modern masculinity, specifically because they demonstrate the three things males aged 13-30 seemingly want to see. Here are a few examples: 

Sincere friendships

The men on The Golden Bachelorette aren’t competitive with each other, they support one another. They’re not on the show for a conquest (most of them have NO game at all) or to boost their social media following, which is part of the show’s appeal. These are just regular guys looking for love and making friends in the process. The genuine feelings the bachelors have for each other was particularly clear in week four when Gary, Gil, Dan, and fan favorite Charles were sent home.

Usually when participants leave the show they give a quick one-on-one interview, jump in a limo, and ride away. But by week four the men have all bonded, with words like “brother” and “brotherhood” used freely to describe each other. After the ceremony the remaining men still on the show came out and said their goodbyes with hugs, tears, and laughter. It was a beautiful moment demonstrating that being masculine also means being open emotionally. At the end of the episode Charles perfectly illustrates this when talking about his new friends, “It’s a different form of love. Yeah, I did find it.” 

Demonstrating resilience

With an age range between 57-69 the men on The Golden Bachelorette have quite a bit of life experience, and some of it is not pleasant. There are plenty of divorcees, and like Joan, several participants are widowed. One bachelor, Bob, was even struck by lightning, died for 12 minutes, and had to be brought back to life by paramedics and doctors. In the premiere episode Bob tells Joan, “I’m here to see if lightning can strike twice.” As the season goes on, we get to know a group of men who’ve endured hardship but don’t let it stop them from living the lives they want to live. A good example of this comes from Jonathan and Charles. 

During a group prom date in episode two, Jonathan tells Joan about being the only person of color at his high school. His senior year he asked a girl out, she said yes, and a week before prom she backed out which Jonathan says, “completely destroyed my ego.” At the same group date the adorable Charles, who grew up in rural China and came to the United States with just $20 in his pocket, is sitting all alone. He lost his wife six years ago and can shut himself off because of “the sorrow and the sadness.” Yet with some encouragement from Joan he’s soon on the dance floor as Jonathan is crowned prom king. The Golden Bachelorette is full of men who personify resilience.

Showing a softer side, yet not afraid to take risks

There’s been enough tears shed on The Golden Bachelorette to fill a five gallon bucket. In the premiere, videos from family members encouraging their senior singles brought the men to tears. Dan cries every time he talks about his kids. Several men cry talking about their deceased wives and Gary lets the water works run when Joan gives him a framed photo of their prom date from episode two. So many tears are shed! 

As the men of The Golden Bachelorette prove, however, being emotionally vulnerable doesn’t make you weak. These men are brave enough to get up in front of an audience and embarrass themselves in a talent show, injure themselves during a kickball game (sponsored by Quaker Oats), embrace the silliness of a senior themed prom, and even jump on stage to do their best impression of a Chippendales dancer. The bachelors may be softies but they can embrace the moment. 

So will Golden Bachelorette contestants soon replace superheroes as role models for young men?

Um, no. That won’t be happening any time soon. Heck I’m 53-years-old and I still want to be Spider-Man. That said, I’m inspired by the men I’m watching on The Golden Bachelorette. They may not be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound or bend steel, but seeing these individuals demonstrate what real masculinity should look like is just as heroic. 

The Golden Bachelorette airs Wednesdays on ABC. 

Terry Terrones is a Television Critics Association and Critics Choice Association member, licensed drone pilot, and aspiring hand model. When he’s not applying to be on Survivor, you can find him hiking in the mountains of Colorado. You can follow him on Twitter @terryterrones.

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