A Definitive Ranking of Popular Grocery Store Chains
Photo by Rob Maxwell/Unsplash
If you’re like me, then the older you get, the more fun going to the grocery store becomes. What used to be a chore, a hassle, is now a highlight of my week. Restocking my ever-dwindling supply of chickpeas and checking for good deals on chicken thighs has become a reprieve from long to-do lists of tedious responsibilities. But not every grocery store promises the same experience. Some, with their high-quality store brands and checkout lines teeming with delicious snacks, are a joy to visit. Others, with their sterile environments and abysmally high prices, are the stuff of nightmares.
I’ve decided to rank some of the most popular grocery chains in the country, seeking to answer the question: Where should you stock up on vegetable stock, heavy cream and Oreos? Moving from worst to best, this is a definitive ranking of popular grocery chains.
13. Erewhon
I feel like hating Erewhon doesn’t even need a justification. You’d think somewhere charging $20 for a smoothie would try to make sure their food is actually good, but let’s be honest: Nobody is shopping at Erewhon for quality. It’s literally just about posting your grocery haul on social media. Not only is it too expensive for food you can definitely buy cheaper elsewhere, Erewhon is just objectively not a cool place to be.
12. Publix
Walking into a Publix feels like walking into an operating room. I’ve never been to a store with less sensual appeal. The produce is all freakishly perfect in appearance; the lemons are giving uncanny valley. Everything is too expensive. My eyes hurt from an unjustifiable amount of fluorescent lighting. It’s impossible to find a decent brand of soy sauce. But, alas, this nightmare of a store is still worth braving for a Pub sub, which I will stand by until death.
11. Whole Foods
I’ve always thought Whole Foods’ whole progressive schtick was cringey, but now that it’s owned by Amazon, it truly feels unconscionable to shop there. What, exactly, are we meant to be paying a premium for? If the idea of shopping at Whole Foods appealed to you in the ‘90s, it’s time to move on and find a local food co-op.
10. Star Market
I’d never been to a Star Market until I moved to Massachusetts. Now, there’s one only a block away from me, so I’m a frequent customer. Star Market is fine. It has the basics but nothing more. The quality is average at best. The prices are above average, also at best.
9. Safeway
Safeway has a similar vibe to Star Market. The prices are too high, and the quality is too low. My guess is that most people who shop at chains like this do so out of convenience. If it’s the closest option that has even a slightly decent supply of stuff you need, you’re probably likely to shop there relatively often, even if it’s not your favorite store.