Nintendo recently announced that their latest Zelda game, Hyrule Warriors Legends for the 3DS, will feature the choice between a male or female Link (who will be called Linkle)! According to redditors, this is the literal end of the male race. But will Female Link really be all that different from normal Lin- we mean, Male Link? Here’s our take:
1. The Master Sword will be renamed…The Mistress Sword! It’s the same exact sword, but it sounds so much kinkier for some reason.
2. Female Link’s weapons will be 10% more expensive…because they’re pink! That’s how you know that bomb is for ladies. It’s pink. Can you imagine a lady using a regular black bomb? She wouldn’t know how! And those unscented boomerangs…how is Female Link supposed to throw a boomerang that doesn’t smell like cucumber melon?
3. Female Link will be really into crystals for some reason.
4. Conversely, Male Link will get all his anecdotes from reddit. Ugh. Neither of these Links are winners.
5. Female Link will text Male Link, like, 30 times a day asking weird questions about the hookshot instead of just googling, “How does the hookshot work?”
6. Female Link will get WAY more texts from Ganondorf saying, “send me nudes hah hah j/k but srsly if u want send.” Act like you’ve been there before, Ganondorf.
7. Male Link will text you “K,” then goes silent for 5 days. Female Link would NEVER be this cruel.
8. Female Link will ask all sorts of unnecessary questions during movies. We don’t know who the murderer is either, Female Link! You didn’t miss anything! Just wait for the movie to unfold! Also, the murderer is clearly Kevin.
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