The Funniest Democratic National Convention Tweets, Night One
Images are YouTube Screencaps
So hey: the Democrats are having a convention!
Rad.
The Democratic National Convention was LIVE tonight on YouTube (and probably also on TV too, I dunno, I was watching Lodge 49), and if you somehow missed out you can kind of track the overall shape of the thing by looking at what people were saying about it on Twitter.
Some make it sound the first night of the convention cared more about winning your conservative parents over than actually firing up the Democratic base or winning over progressives who might not trust the party. Some felt that Bernie Sanders, the aging lion of America’s progressive movement, had the most powerful speech of the night. Others were deeply impressed by Michelle Obama, who speaks so rarely but with such consistent power and conviction that she just might have the highest batting average of any public figure in the dumb recent history of this very dumb country. Others just want to make some jokes, dammit.
So maybe it hasn’t been the most inspiring convention so far. Maybe a candidate like Joe Biden, who’s been in national politics for 48 years, is fundamentally incapable of exciting the youngest and most passionate members of a political party. Maybe that’s why the Democrats should’ve focused more on the future of the party, and less on establishment Republicans who dislike Trump. (For real, who would be shocked if Mitt Romney made a surprise run-in on the DNC at this point?) Maybe this whole thing will backfire spectacularly, alienating left-wing voters while failing to sway any independents or anti-Trump Republicans.
Oh, shit.
Well, mark us down (and by “us” I mean solely “me”) as those who feel this election is way too serious to find any reason to not vote for the non-Trump option. Let’s get back to normal shitty American politics and not the obscene clown show of destruction and vulgarity that’s been slowly killing us these last four years! A vote for Biden/Harris is a vote for a tolerable level of daily stress over how messed up our country is, and not the cosmic overload we’ve had to struggle through since 2017.
These tweets are funny. Read ‘em. Follow the people who wrote ‘em. And check back tomorrow for day two of this utter nonsense.
Bernie’s been busy. Before and after. pic.twitter.com/eWYCnLMVEe
— Zach D Roberts (@zdroberts) August 18, 2020
i think inviting john kasich to speak is a smart move. there are 11 people in this country who buy unfrosted pop-tarts and we have to win them all
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) August 18, 2020
Tonight is the Super Bowl for all of those very real voters who love John Kasich, are not set on voting for Trump, but are skeptical of Joe Biden
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) August 17, 2020
If nobody brings it up again between now and November I promise I’ll vote for Biden.
— wear a fucking mask. (@fakemikemulloy) August 18, 2020
.@DNC would you be interested in an interview on my Instagram live? you’d be an iconic guest
— ziwe (@ziwe) August 18, 2020
practicing self care and not watching the DNC thanks
— david byrnes scream at the end of road to nowhere (@rachelmillman) August 18, 2020
Regretfully, I have been asked NOT to perform Peaches’s “Fuck the Pain Away” at the DNC this week.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) August 18, 2020
DNC opening with a downbeat version of the National Anthem sung by children like a Jordan Peele trailer is pretty on brand
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) August 18, 2020
DNC has figured out Republicans can’t beat them if they just become Republicans
— Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) August 17, 2020
Charismatic
Engaging
Popular with young voters
Inspiring message (‘I’m number one’)— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) August 18, 2020
Welcome to another SOLD-OUT HOUSE in MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN. I’m Wolf Blitzer, alongside Iron John King, and the Living Legend Gloria Borger! King, this promises to be the greatest convention ever!!!
— man it’s a hot zone, (@Mobute) August 18, 2020
I hope the Biden presidency is as boring as the DNC.
— Josh Comers (@joshcomers) August 18, 2020
Bernie Sanders must evenly redistribute his massive stash of fire wood among all Americans. #sociaLOGismpic.twitter.com/jRNdzGhRje
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) August 18, 2020
republicans accuse democrats of being elitist when they enlist celebrities to serve as mouthpieces but also complain that democrats who want to tax the rich are jealous of success. guess republicans only like the rich people who are also unpopular.
— Erin GARGAMEL Ryan (@morninggloria) August 18, 2020
This convention is basically if someone gave my mom’s facebook friends a tv show
— Jesse Case (@jessecase) August 18, 2020
A lot of you probably missed this, but when Kasich said “America is at a crossroads,” if you look closely you can see an actual crossroads in the background. I of course got it immediately but sharing for those who are less smart. pic.twitter.com/LqyaWjRRvV
— Justin Shanes (@justinshanes) August 18, 2020
I’m John Kasich. I’m voting for Joe Biden and my grandson tied my camera to a really tall tree. A vote for Trump is a vote for my devil of a grandson. pic.twitter.com/NtKMYtPU2Z
— Sean O’Connor (@seanoconnz) August 18, 2020
Kasich should have just got corn rows and rapped Crossroads by Bone Thugs N Harmony if he was serious. #DemocraticConvention
— Travon Free (@Travon) August 18, 2020
I guess the big difference between the two parties this year is that Democrats are opposed to Covid-19.
— The Mysterious LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 18, 2020
if you watch the convention on mute you can just pretend it’s the beginning of an episode of Love It Or List It pic.twitter.com/LYHR0mLAr1
— maura quint (@behindyourback) August 18, 2020
genuinely upset i didn’t get the casting for “democrats that want to complain at eva longoria on camera” #DemConvention
— Alise Morales (@AliseNavidad) August 18, 2020
Live-tweeting a virtual political convention pic.twitter.com/2Diaq7NGQY
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) August 18, 2020
Blowing my own mind thinking about how some people think these DNC squares are too far to the left
— Allegra Ringo (@allegraringo) August 18, 2020
Watching the DNC pic.twitter.com/2aaXHXtSKq
— cory snearowski (@corysnearowski) August 18, 2020
Each one of these DNC speeches look like an FMV that gives you a mission in Command & Conquer
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) August 18, 2020
DNC convention hologram Jeffrey Epstien set
— JAKE FLORES (@feraljokes) August 18, 2020
The full text of Michelle Obama’s speech. #DemConventionpic.twitter.com/h0tGuROyy8
— Carol Ray Hartsell (@carolrhartsell) August 18, 2020
I like that Democrats whole thing is like dunking on republicans on twitter and in articles that conservatives don’t read and then republicans are like “wow you got us anyway here’s some more voter suppression and you don’t have mailboxes anymore good joke tho”
— Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) August 18, 2020
metaphor is dead but it’s pretty funny that bernie was gonna get crosby and young to reunite but the dems went with stills pic.twitter.com/TGiCccMSiR
— josh androsky (@ShutUpAndrosky) August 18, 2020
All the journalists acting like this virtual convention is stupid are being extremely dishonest about how glad they are to not be wearing pants or sitting down in a stadium concourse charging their iphones next to some 25-year-old dick from Politico right now
— Erin GARGAMEL Ryan (@morninggloria) August 18, 2020
Studiously avoiding the convention because I will be voting for Biden and don’t want all the Democrats to talk me out of it
— Shane Ryan (@ShaneRyanHere) August 18, 2020
HR webinar ass convention
— C’mon man (@InternetHippo) August 18, 2020