Here Is Every Punch Line in the Trailer for the New Seinfeld Special
Photos via Netflix/YouTube
Netflix just released the trailer for Seinfeld Before Jerry, the first of Jerry Seinfeld’s two new hourlong specials with the service. Based on the trailer, I think it’s safe to say that when the special comes out next month, we’ll finally get the Seinfeld backstory we’ve been clamoring for: that’s right, the story of a middle-class Jewish kid who grew up in New York in the 1960s.
Netflix reportedly shelled out a cool hundred million smackers for these two specials and Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee, which comes out to about $33 million for this special alone. If my calculations are correct, that makes each second of Jerry Before Seinfeld worth about $9,259, or the approximate cost of 154 galleries of the week’s funniest tweets. Let’s see what a ten-thousand-dollar punchline looks like in 2017, shall we?
Below is every punch line in the trailer. By “punch line’ I mean a line followed by a break for laughter, as opposed to rolling laughter as Seinfeld continues the joke. A few of punchlines are preceded by brief setups, which I’ve left out; most of them appeared without context. Do I need to explain how a stand-up special trailer works? I don’t think I do. You are smart and savvy consumers, perhaps even the smartest and savviest. In any case, each of these lines is worth between $9,000 and $83,300. Together they are worth more than most of us will make in several years.
“I only had one joke that worked, which I’m gonna do for you right now.”
4 seconds x $9,259 = $37,036
“We move out from the city to on Long Island. Long Island is one of those places, you can’t get in it. You just stay on it.”
7 seconds x $9,259 = $64,813
“Would I have been funnier if I grew up in Peoria in a whorehouse raised by prostitutes? Absolutely. But this is what I had to work with.”
7 seconds x $9,259 = $64,813
“We grew up like wild dogs in the 60s! No helmets, no seat belts, no restraints!”
6 seconds x $9,259 = $55,554
“Cookie crisp! It’s not like cookie, it is cookie.”
3 seconds x $9,259 = $27,777
“I was either eating 100% sugar or airborne.”
4 seconds x $9,259 = $37,036
“Okay Jim, this one’s gonna be coming a little bit faster now!”
3 seconds x $9,259 = $27,777
“It was like my little gay closet moment: “Mom, Dad, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m, I’m a funny person.’
5 seconds x $9,259 = 46,295
“They cut a little hole for us so we could stick our head in and see what is going on, ‘cause you want your eye blinking and tearing when you’re going backwards down a staircase holding a wall unit.”
9 seconds x $9,259 = $83,331
Well, there you have it: nine punchlines, a cool $379,619. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the comedy boom.