M. Night Shyamalan’s latest movie, Old, came out last Friday, and its greatest impact was not at the box office but on Twitter. Yes, this is the movie about the beach that makes you old, and yes, roughly 80% of all tweets sent over the weekend were about the beach that makes you old. A few of them were even funny.
So why is the idea of a beach that makes you old so hilarious? Honestly, some things are best left unconsidered. Trying to break down why this is funny will strip the joke of all life, much like the beach that makes you old itself. Why does any meme ever take off? I’m sure there are college papers about that but I mean I’m not in college anymore for a reason, so feel free to go track those journals down without me.
It’s like a snow ball rolling down a hill. Somebody makes a joke about the beach that makes you old, and people think it’s funny. Another person, and another, and then a few more, make their own jokes about the beach that makes you old. That snow ball gets bigger, moves faster. Eventually everybody’s doing it, and what was once a ball of snow is now a… uh, much bigger ball of snow. And then, after everybody’s totally sick of the damn beach that makes you old, that giant ball of snow crashes into them and buries them completely. Just swamped by the snow that is also jokes about the beach that makes you old. That’s basically what happened over the course of a day and a half or so this past weekend. And once everybody finally dug themselves out of that mess and got back to their pre-beach that makes you old lives, somebody sent them a link to Sarah Brand’s “Red Dress” video and then the whole thing started all over again, with everybody forgetting the beach that makes you old ever existed.
Let’s not be so hasty to forget. Let’s look back on that magical weekend when everybody couldn’t shut up about the beach that makes you old. It was the Live Aid of its day, only with jokes about the beach that makes you old instead of bands and charity. Here are the best tweets about the beach that makes you old—the ones that made us laugh the most, but that also made us think the most. And, sure, feel the most, too. Good job, people. Read ‘em below, follow the folks who wrote ‘em, and let’s do this all again whenever Shyamalan puts out his next thing.
someBODY once told me
the beach was gonna old me— Rebecca Alter (@ralter) July 25, 2021
sound off in the replies! what is everyones favorite movie about a beach that makes you old?
— zach silberberg (@zachsilberberg) July 23, 2021
That’s what I love about the beach that makes you old, man. I keep getting older and everyone else keeps getting older as well.
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) July 25, 2021
bringing benjamin button to the Old beach just to see what happens
— brianna “charles foster kane” zigler (@justbrizigs) July 24, 2021
OLD but a beach where everybody’s arms just keep getting longer
— ben mekler (@benmekler) July 25, 2021
lifeguard on the old beach blowing his whistle every time someone is getting old
— Rajat Suresh (@rajat_suresh) July 24, 2021
the cow as white as milk the cape as red as blood the hair as yellow as corn the beach that makes you old
— Brennan Caldwell (@BrennanCaldwell) July 25, 2021
my partner and i noticed you from across the beach and we think you look really old
— anna livia (@not_a_heather) July 25, 2021
“The beach! It make’a me old!” pic.twitter.com/YI9Zfc7SSA
— Ben Bertoli (@SuperBentendo) July 25, 2021
“Old” is a movie about going to the beach. But in a classic M. Night Shyamalan twist … the beach sucks!
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) July 24, 2021
it didnt actually take 12 years to shoot Boyhood. they just went to the beach that makes you old between scenes and then kept shooting
— zach silberberg (@zachsilberberg) July 24, 2021
TRACY JORDAN: c’mon, Jack! You said I could make my autobiographical miniseries after I starred in Old, the horror movie about the beach that makes you old!
JACK DONAGHY: to Liz, sotto voce “Old: The Horror Movie About The Beach That Makes You Old” did VERY well— jd vance’s “holler aunt” (@markpopham) July 25, 2021
when the frisbee goes over the fence at the beach that makes you old and one of you has to go get it pic.twitter.com/Z1hcoBYZfi
— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) July 25, 2021
The opening scene of Saving Private Ryan on D-Day, but instead they stormed the Old Beach pic.twitter.com/k1Xozrhbgw
— Jason (@jasonosia) July 25, 2021
The five types of narrative:
Man vs Man
Man vs Nature
Man vs Self
Man vs Society
What If a Beach Made You Old— Jake of Fox Chase (@JEBermanator) July 19, 2021
t shirt that says “i went to the beach that makes you old and all i got was old”
— zach silberberg (@zachsilberberg) July 23, 2021
(seeing an old person at a beach) Oh my god it’s real,
— Brooks Otterlake (@i_zzzzzz) July 24, 2021
Paul Rudd before and after visiting the Old beach pic.twitter.com/lxXjKtKlp5
— Ross Miller (@rosstmiller) July 25, 2021
Gimme the beat boys and free my soul, I’m going to the beach that makes you old,
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) July 25, 2021
ok everyone stop posting about that beach, it got old fast
— ali richman (@alirichthem) July 25, 2021
Did jokes about the beach that makes you old go to the beach that makes you old because they quickly became old like the beach that makes you old!
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) July 26, 2021