Okay, none of these tweets are actually funny. I mean, some of them are jokes that made me laugh, maybe even chuckle, but the times are so grim that it’s straight-up irresponsible to make jokes about Trump’s second Supreme Court nominee. Even before Trump confirmed it to be Brett Kavanaugh in another one of his obnoxious reality TV-style press conferences, everybody knew that whoever Trump named would be an ideological ramrod willing to repeal Roe vs. Wade and pull the court permanently towards the extreme right for probably decades to come. It ain’t good, folks, and we don’t mean to belittle the legitimate fear and anxiety every right-thinking citizen should be feeling right now.
Still, though. Jokes can help? Like all those Romanians who suffered under Ceausescu? Yeah, he was an inhuman despot who brutalized his own people, but if you want to hear some great gallows humor, go talk to an old Romanian. Hopefully we never hit mid-to-late 20th century Romania levels of despair here in the States (but again, this is only Trump’s second year in office, somehow), but there’s something to be admired about their humor in the face of absolute deprivation.
Okay, yeah, the Supreme Court. Trump named his man (of course it was a man) and the people responded. Some of those people are funnier than others, though, and these here are the best, bleakest, funniest, most fatalistic, and most hilariously, absurdly resigned tweets about the whole damn thing. Take a look, keep on feeling bad, and get ready to vote when the voting time comes.
Yeah but think of all the great art that will come of SCOTUS
— Billy Domineau (@BillyDomineau) June 27, 2018
The extremely unqualified person choosen by the least amount of voters to be president will get two SCOTUS picks. Gotta love American democracy.
(The electoral college exists because of slavery don’t @ me.)
— Travon Free (@Travon) June 28, 2018
Dream SCOTUS = the Queer Eye guys + the Golden Girls
— Emmy Blotnick (@emmyblotnick) June 28, 2018
That awkward moment when you MUST appoint an obedient shill to SCOTUS who’ll guarantee a 5-4 decision against you ever having to testify under oath in an Independent Counsel probe bc your lawyers are terrified you’ll perjure yourself and/or tell the truth. We’ve all been there.
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) July 1, 2018
Laughing imagining every potential SCOTUS pick having to smile and nod for several minutes as President Deals shows them his election map
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) July 3, 2018
can’t decide if we’ll first find out that Trump’s SCOTUS pick once argued that black people should be sterilized or women do not need the right to vote
— maura quint (@behindyourback) July 6, 2018
before Trump names his Supreme Court nominee and all hell breaks loose lets all come together as a country for the last time and enjoy this amazing GIF pic.twitter.com/qAkKXJNAiC
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) July 9, 2018
Trump, as usual, is turning his Supreme Court announcement into reality TV.
In this episode, we’ll find out which of our rights will be voted off the show.
— Nick Jack Pappas (@Pappiness) July 9, 2018
If he nominates Hulk Hogan to the Supreme Court today no one will stop him from being confirmed and it won’t even seem weird in a week even when Justice Hogan tears the sleeves off his robe and calls Ruth Bader Ginsburg “little lady”.
— David Iserson (@davidiserson) July 9, 2018
I’m with Lindsey, I hope they appoint George Washington’s rotting corpse to the SCOTUS. https://t.co/LsM6Y3fnvz
— Billy Wayne Davis (@BillyWayneDavis) July 9, 2018
Totally messed up that Trump’s #ScotusPick is that Thai cave.
— Rob Lathan (@roblathan) July 10, 2018
Congratulations to Infowars’ Alex Jones on his nomination to the US Supreme Court!
Finally, a reasonable and well-thought out choice from President Trump.
— Jules Suzdaltsev (@jules_su) July 9, 2018
Who’s Trump gonna pick for SCOTUS, the shit show, the shit show or the shit show?
— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) July 10, 2018
It’s weird but accurate that the live announcement of the SCOTUS pick tonight is officially called America: Into The Butthole.
— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) July 9, 2018
Why the Supreme Court Justice should be Rey’s mother
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) July 10, 2018
Don’t forget to rub period blood on your doorpost tonight so Trump’s SCOTUS pick passes over your reproductive organs.
— On Vacation Don’t @ Me (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 10, 2018
I was pretty out of it today with (I think) a sinus infection, so somebody please text me if get nominated for SCOTUS okay
— Daniel Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) July 10, 2018
Final four, who’s it gonna be? #ScotusPickpic.twitter.com/gz3wodeGK1
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) July 10, 2018
Brett Kavanaugh has a dreaded case of Ted Cruz nose.
— Stephen Falk (@stephenfalk) July 10, 2018
It is truly a mystery why Trump would pick Kavanaugh for the Supreme Court pic.twitter.com/DVDT9BdLep
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) July 10, 2018
A better SCOTUS pick would have been Stephen Miller’s rotting garbage sushi
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) July 10, 2018
“how old are your daughters?” #ScotusPickpic.twitter.com/H9ZqsxT5W8
— Chip Dwyer (@chipdwyer) July 10, 2018
Yeah, well, I’m nominating alcohol to the Supreme Court of my life.
— Mark Peters (@wordlust) July 10, 2018
Everyone on Twitter right now talking about #SCOTUSpic.twitter.com/FREg8k5Sq5
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) July 10, 2018
I compiled some info on Trump’s #ScotusPick Brett Kavanaugh pic.twitter.com/fvlu6DIxIB
— drewtoothpaste (@drewtoothpaste) July 10, 2018
I don’t think Supreme Court justices should be named Brett
— Froghammer (@froghammer) July 10, 2018