The 5 Most Hilariously Blasphemous Moments from Black Jesus, “I Gave at the Playground”

Thank you, Adult Swim for another evening of jokes, buffoonery, and blasphemy via the comedians of Black Jesus. Last night’s episode taught us that even the Son of God gets caught up in babymama drama sometimes. Here are our favorite moments from episode four, “I Gave at the Playground.”

5. Black Jesus aligns himself with Killa Cam

Black Jesus may have seen Lloyd all up in Vic’s car, but he’s no snitch—just like our good friend Cam’ron. When Jesus refused to tell Vic the truth about who was in his car, we got all sorts of Killa Cam vibes:

#NoSnitchin’
#CodeOfEthics

4. Lloyd accuses Black Jesus of being on “that leeean”

Hands down, the best quote of the episode goes—unsurprisingly—to the great John Witherspoon: “You know he’s on that stuff. That leeeean. That codeine. Them mollies. PCP. LBJ. JFK.” Jesus may have indulged in a little red wine every now and again, but he stayed away from the hard stuff, including LBJ.

RIP Pimp C.

3. Jesus got his ass handed to him by Shalinka

First of all, we’d like to request more episodes featuring the world’s most frighteningly lovely babymama—Shalinka (played by comedian Dominique). When Boonie’s friends tried to intervene in his child support drama, things got pretty intense. Shalinka took off her wig (and placed it atop her daughter’s head—nice touch), and damn-near crucified Black Jesus in a street fight:

“Don’t think ‘cause you Jesus I won’t whoop yo ass.”

2. Debunde Boonie Johnson???

We’re not sure about the spelling, but when the cops came to get Boonie, we are sure that they called him Debunde. Duh-boon-day. That name has to be a crime against God.

[Update: a Black Jesus representative has reached out to us, and clarified the spelling of Boonie’s government name: Dabundè Johnson, it is!]

1. “Jesus don’t know what he’s talking about”

Jesus of Nazareth fulfilled a lot of miracles, but he never took credit for something he didn’t do. Those fish and loaves of bread? (see Mark 6:41) All him. But at the end of “I Gave at the Playground,” Black Jesus hilariously tries to take credit for Shalinka and Boonie finally getting along. He claims to be responsible for the miracle of the children finding the money their father had given them (not to be spent on Shalinka’s hair weave, BTW), but Boonie checks him on that one. Black Jesus needs to get his miracles in order if he wants proper credit. That’s what Jesus would do.

And we close with another great moment from Corey Holcomb:

“Shut up! You the only light skinned girl that gotta wait in line at the club.#8221;

Shannon M. Houston is Assistant TV Editor at Paste, and a New York-based freelance writer with probably more babies than you. You can follow her on Twitter.