The Funniest Tweets of the Week
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It’s dumbass daylight savings time again. The only thing worse than the sun setting at 6pm is this new Twitter refresh horror that’s made catching up on the day’s best tweets as hard as catching up with a friend from high school that you’re honestly fine drifting away from. While we are in the business of funny tweets, this week’s hero is @3vanSutton (and his source) for sharing a 97% successful solution to this hell. Save yourself by doing this: settings and privacy > accessibility > select “reduce motion.” Now, let’s bask in the glow of all the glorious tweets you probably missed this week due to this nonsense.
i’m a writer which means i can be witty in conversation but only if you give me 20 minutes to respond after everything you say.
— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) November 7, 2019
fellas is it gay to love your friends so much you text them in all caps to say you would fight their enemies in a parking lot
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 7, 2019
Sometimes a comic will, “book a few bar shows “ in, DIFFERENT CITIES and then, CALL IT a “tour”-. VERY DISHONEST!
— Trump Comedy Nerd (@TrumpComedyNerd) November 6, 2019
Teen girl told me she liked my outfit in the therapy waiting room. Do I even need to go in I just got everything I needed.
— Alana Hope Levinson (@alanalevinson) November 7, 2019
being straight is exhausting you message a guy on tinder like “cute dog” and he’ll reply “thanks haha you wanna come over and ride this dick reverse cowgirl til you bleed organs” no man go to therapy jesus fuck
— Abby Govindan (@abbygov) November 6, 2019