The Funniest Tweets of the Week
Photo by Han Myung-Gu/Getty
Well folks, here we are again: me writing this paragraph, you reading it. I’m not thrilled about it either but if I don’t write enough words then we won’t show up on search. And then nobody wins, least of all me. But also, by proxy, you. Which brings us back to the beginning, the duality at the heart of it all: Writer, reader. Tweet aggregator, tweet consumer. Light, dark. Apple, orange. Jost, Che. Wheat, thin. The lady in The Shape of Water, the fish-man in The Shape of Water. The eternal saga continues…
me: lmao (classic, stands the test of time)
you: rofl (irrelevant after 3 years, tried to make comeback as “roflcopter”)
— nicole boyce (@nicolewboyce) March 7, 2018
go ahead. keep screaming “Shut The Fuck Up ” at me. it only makes my opinions Worse
— wint (@dril) March 10, 2018
why women think marriage is a trap: it’s basically the transfer of ownership of a woman from her father to her husband, u have to take of ur husband’s family, and u become responsible for both families’ honor
why men think marriage is a trap: my wife wants to spend time w/ me— rei (@tunahater) March 9, 2018
lasagna is the only food that is a pie, cake, and sandwich
— hot topic toilet mistake (@hottestriffs) March 10, 2018
daylight saving time fuckin shits all over standard time. everyone i know is a big dst-head. standard time pisses its pants and dst is the real shit. when standard time comes we all hate it. standard time has a briefcase with a single poop in it. no one respects standard time