Well folks, here we are again: me writing this paragraph, you reading it. I’m not thrilled about it either but if I don’t write enough words then we won’t show up on search. And then nobody wins, least of all me. But also, by proxy, you. Which brings us back to the beginning, the duality at the heart of it all: Writer, reader. Tweet aggregator, tweet consumer. Light, dark. Apple, orange. Jost, Che. Wheat, thin. The lady in The Shape of Water, the fish-man in The Shape of Water. The eternal saga continues…
me: lmao (classic, stands the test of time)
you: rofl (irrelevant after 3 years, tried to make comeback as “roflcopter”)
why women think marriage is a trap: it’s basically the transfer of ownership of a woman from her father to her husband, u have to take of ur husband’s family, and u become responsible for both families’ honor why men think marriage is a trap: my wife wants to spend time w/ me
— hot topic toilet mistake (@hottestriffs) March 10, 2018
daylight saving time fuckin shits all over standard time. everyone i know is a big dst-head. standard time pisses its pants and dst is the real shit. when standard time comes we all hate it. standard time has a briefcase with a single poop in it. no one respects standard time
They’re saying Martin Shkreli is going to prison for fraud, but I, I actually heard that, he’s actually in trouble for bringing a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 on a plane…!
liberals think Trump meeting with Kim Jong-un will cause a crisis, while conservatives think Trump will cow Kim Jong-un into peace with his powerful presence, meanwhile I’ve been paying attention for two years and am open to the idea of just something remarkably stupid happening
Just watched a really fucked up movie. It’s about a guy that is kind of the good guy but he’s got a dark past that kind of paints him as a bad guy, but he’s like the main guy so you have to root for him, because it turns out there’s a guy worse than him and that’s the bad guy.
Allow me to set the record straight: Ready Player One is BAD but my fanart “Schrödinger’s Filburt” which depicts the turtle from Rocko’s Modern Life simultaneously pregnant and barren is GOOD
MY MOM’S RATING SYSTEM FOR STAND-UP COMEDIANS EXPLAINED: “Just stupid” – Really didn’t like “Weird” – Didn’t like “Just okay” – Perfectly fine “I just about peed my pants” – Very funny “Cuckoo bananas” – The pinnacle of humor
my favourite past time is reading the replies of people about their own personal encounters with michael shannonunder articles and headlines about michael shannon pic.twitter.com/5hUbP4VeTG
Jordan Peele: I quit writing Get Out twenty times before I finally finished it Me, a wildly untalented hack: this is inspiring, the only obstacle to my success is follow through
