The Funniest Tweets of the Week
Photo by Mark Wilson/GettyHere they are, the good tweets from last week. Some of them are exceptionally good; others, very good; most, at least pretty good. One of them is really just plain great, in my opinion, though I’ll grant that my judgment may be a bit off, as I have been awake ever since I saw Hereditary on Friday night. Spooky stuff! Especially one bit in particular, but also several other bits. No spoilers. A lot of people are saying that you should see it in the daytime, to avoid rowdy audience members laughing and jesting through it at night, but I say a daytime screening and there were loud teens talking the whole time. So, not sure what the lesson is to be gleaned here, but at the very least I can tell you this: Don’t see it when your roommate is away for the weekend, leaving you the apartment to yourself, oh god don’t do that. Okay, I think I’ve hit my minimum word count:
Yeah ok buddy. pic.twitter.com/EOQKKHmZUD
— Woofing Dog Account Premium (@Whatapityonyou) June 9, 2018
i use to find jokes funny and now i’ve been laughing nonstop at this pic.twitter.com/ZCURAXEj6W
— ri (@dehtours) June 7, 2018
Speaking of Kat von D, pic.twitter.com/6Awt7KC19v
— Zoé (@ztsamudzi) June 10, 2018
Headline (left) url (right) pic.twitter.com/wdzktqeAmv
— Lois Beckett (@loisbeckett) June 10, 2018
Just remembered the indie wrestler whose gimmick probably isn’t Frasier but should be Frasier pic.twitter.com/kS9ZAgVFzW
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) June 10, 2018
so cool https://t.co/DhkpWRSwsw
— Tim Heidecker for DA (@timheidecker) June 9, 2018
extremely confused by this trend of republicans indignantly saying shit like “i don’t even recognize my party anymore!” in response to things that republicans have been doing for like 100 years
— maple cocaine (@historyinflicks) June 10, 2018
I don’t want to spoil it, but I thought the ending of Ocean’s 8 was smart: Anne Hathaway looks at the camera and whispers, “I’ve never been bad in a movie before and you know it.”
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) June 8, 2018
me: greek life is a plague that preys on young people’s fear of social failure. it is imperative we ban fraternities and sororities and end the toxic culture surrounding them
also me: my college sketch group is the most important thing i’ve done with my life
— Ben Marshall (@notbenmarshall) June 10, 2018
no amount of marketing will ever convince me these five guys would be ever friends pic.twitter.com/sVIFCwLiP0
— Mikey Heller (@yoyorobot) June 10, 2018
strong case for a maximum income https://t.co/7quiaI8GJS
— Kate Aronoff (@KateAronoff) June 9, 2018
The only scary thing in Hereditary was the art gallery that kept asking for updates on the project.
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) June 10, 2018
I carried you for 9 months for you to be doing this? Lol get out my house https://t.co/obE1JrkAoI
— pirate angel (@ghrisssy) June 9, 2018
By divisive they mean “our voters want it but our donors don’t” https://t.co/cMPzuEQNo0
— Rock Strongo (@bigtreatboy) June 9, 2018
Growing up, our local sports anchor was named “Skip Church.” And sometimes when a good sports game was on… we did. heh heh heh.
— Sean Clements (@SeanClements) June 9, 2018
Colin Jost is dating Scarlett Johansson and Pete Davidson is dating Ariana Grande and every female comedian is like, “I wonder if I can get this pile of sweatshirts to commit to me.”
— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) June 9, 2018
Sure pic.twitter.com/vVmflrpa0S
— Ryan (@Integrity_Guy) June 9, 2018
Best scene in the odyssey is when Odysseus is crying at a feast and covers his head with a blanket so no one notices and everyone pretends it’s normal
— dwayne (@dwayne1579) June 9, 2018
Hereditary – great movie, great film, loved it, but may I suggest an alternative title: Everybody Loves Paimon
— Lara Frumperstall (@underalls) June 9, 2018
ive heard just about enough from this big yellow dog pic.twitter.com/ZZpku27Lbm
— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) June 9, 2018
Millenials Are Killing the DUI pic.twitter.com/SAacNVJGNu
— Juggalocialism (@UweBollocks) June 9, 2018
— arden jurskis (@ArdenJurskis) June 7, 2018
the perfect guy doesn’t exi— pic.twitter.com/KxqSUlK4JJ
— SARAH SQUIRM (@SarahSquirm) June 8, 2018
finally, a candle that smells like cigarettes and a guy yelling at me pic.twitter.com/XEwSzTjcqF
— matt lubchansky (@Lubchansky) June 7, 2018
— muscular baby (@Mobute) June 7, 2018
I’ve been blessed with many things in life, family, friends, love, success, but there’s not one thing I’m prouder of than the secret sound wave weapon I invented, sold first to the Cubans, and now the Chinese
— Will Menaker (@willmenaker) June 7, 2018
um…. ….. what the fuck pic.twitter.com/XAzY2czKqg
— nicole boyce (@nicolewboyce) June 7, 2018
This is like a line of dialogue spoken by the first security guy to get killed in a Jurassic Park movie https://t.co/ZofJKfVuin
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) June 7, 2018
I’ve never seen Weekend at Bernie’s, but from what I know about it, there’s no reason to make him dead instead of merely unconscious. The decision to kill him seems inspired by glee, rather than by narrative utility
— rachel jane andelman (@rajandelman) June 7, 2018
Oh my God the accuracy pic.twitter.com/VvXUo0UgVO
— Philip Lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) June 5, 2018
Holy shit…
Feebs
Ross n Rachel
I
E
N
D
Six people total— broti gupta! (@BrotiGupta) December 4, 2017
Well, this is awesome. Turns out you don’t have to tell your cab driver what you’re allergic to as soon as you get in the cab
— Brendan O’Hare (@brendohare) June 7, 2018
good maybe some of y’all can develop a personality lol https://t.co/tpIPnojPWL
— jaideep rao (@deepjayrao) June 4, 2018
brother no pic.twitter.com/XDO4pWCy2D
— Kirsten Howard (@emotionalpedant) June 5, 2018
I love living in the future pic.twitter.com/5J13Llgsf8
— Chris Somerville (@chrisomerville) June 4, 2018
Ocean’s 8: 8 women do the work of 11 men
— All Female Reboot (@AllFemaleReboot) June 2, 2018
— Chanel (@circusgoth) June 4, 2018