Okay so a couple funny things happened last week. First, some mysterious organization announced a fundraising drive to remake The Last Jedi. Is it real or a terrible prank? Impossible to say. (It’s probably a prank. But what if it’s not!) Second, Koko the talking gorilla died. I’m sorry but it’s funny a bunch of scientists tricked the world into thinking a gorilla knew language, and also that that gorilla allegedly blamed its cat for breaking a sink. It is! Third, ABC announced it’s bringing back Roseanne without Roseanne, which, good luck everyone. Fourth, the entire pundit class is up in arms about Sarah Huckabee Sanders getting kicked out of a restaurant. Incredible! Bad though. Fifth, Trump dunked on Jimmy Fallon last night. Okay, that’s about it. Here are the tweets:
laughing at the fact that even they don’t wanna just date each other https://t.co/Pcj4SCC379
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) June 22, 2018
wakes up, yawns, walks out on front porch, gets hit in head with Worst Tweet Of All Time like morning newspaper pic.twitter.com/9gNAl43u1K
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) June 24, 2018
Golden age of television, huh? pic.twitter.com/MPranxeY2l
— sara mchenry (@yellowcardigan) June 23, 2018
things’ll REALLY heat up when Kellyanne’s turned away from her favorite dogfighting place
— Owen Ellickson (@onlxn) June 24, 2018
— wint (@dril) June 23, 2018
I hate myself for googling “Koko gorilla first kitten death how?”
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) June 24, 2018
My wife just looked at a big, long orange car and said “more like Donald TRUNK.” One for the good guys.
— Sean Clements (@SeanClements) June 23, 2018
don’t know if birds have pecked out more eyes this year than any other but it wouldn’t surprised me
— (((guterman))) (@danguterman) June 23, 2018
Not to split hairs with Sarah Huckabee Sanders, but I don’t think “leaving politely” includes being a passive aggressive bitch from your work account
— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) June 23, 2018
[palpatine voice] I love democracy, https://t.co/vjsPSAuEHq
— Ed Zitron (@edzitron) June 23, 2018
— overton window mover (@SeanMcElwee) June 22, 2018
Celebrity who has a show on Fox: I love doing my show on the Fox Network and being a part of the family. However I just want to say that I don’t like Fox News. Anyway that’s it
— Nick Ciarelli (@nickciarelli) June 23, 2018
Me every time something has a “Make X Y Again” joke pic.twitter.com/hrVulfhr8s
— Stan Ari Aster (@commiegoth) June 22, 2018
my dad and i both insisted our twitter handles be put in my grandma’s funeral program in 2015 and netted zero (0) followers
— jamie loftus (@jamieloftusHELP) June 22, 2018
When you were definitely bullied but not enough pic.twitter.com/TylulvUw3O
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) June 22, 2018
wow these leaked pages from the Star Wars Last Jedi Remake screenplay are amazing pic.twitter.com/1OGH0FU910
— dom nero (@dominicknero) June 21, 2018
[THE CONNERS, EPISODE 1, SCENE 1]
Dan: Roseanne is gone. This is my new co-worker George Jetson. We work together at the Dunder-Mifflin paper company.— czech mark (@vrunt) June 22, 2018
my mom somehow recorded this video of what I imagine is not actually a flying squirrel pic.twitter.com/D7yt4LOao3
— Adam Rotstein (@madamepotstein) June 22, 2018
everyone’s limit is different, and this is mine pic.twitter.com/rJecyZvBJu
— darcie wilder (@333333333433333) June 22, 2018
[episode one of the new new roseanne show]
two men in suits knock at door
JOHN GOODMAN: how can I help you gentleman
SUIT 1 (removing hat somberly): sir, there’s been an accident at the shithead factory
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) June 22, 2018
All I’m saying is if a gorilla could learn sign language it isn’t THAT insane to think she might also be able to learn how to fake her death
— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) June 22, 2018
it’s my belief that no comedian should be muscular. you can either make people laugh or open jars by yourself, never both
— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) June 22, 2018
— Grace: Special Pride Edition (@GraceGThomas) June 22, 2018
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) June 22, 2018
I’ve written a script for the Last Jedi remake. Make this, you cowards: pic.twitter.com/eHSRxCyISb
— popular comedy account “the pixelated boat” (@pixelatedboat) June 21, 2018
FUCK HIM UP, AV CLUB https://t.co/fwoEwOo6BB
— steph mccann (@whatissteph) June 21, 2018
RIP koko the gorilla. She lived on a beanbag chair and died knowing that robin williams is dead, which her handlers went out of their way to tell her despite the fact that she only met him once
— Dan gagliardi (@asimplemachine) June 21, 2018
put the jacket back on! pic.twitter.com/tZ6COOiBZD
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) June 21, 2018
How could anyone wear this, especially in this situation? pic.twitter.com/S5kvn1iPz5
— Allie Goertz (@AllieGoertz) June 21, 2018
— Chanel (@circusgoth) June 21, 2018
dont be sad for koko the ape, be proud. a creature so like us. koko had reached the end of pleasures which could be derived from earthly pursuits. so he solved lemarchand’s puzzle box and was torn to pieces by cenobites
— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) June 21, 2018
Late at night, I experiment with different hypothetical group text combinations — I never use them, but it’s fun to think about what different groups of friends would say to each other
— ????s ????? (@JamesFolta) June 21, 2018
“Ummmmmmm good luck in comedy if u are a peasant w/o a Harvard degree” -The worst people I have ever met (they run the world)
— Mitra Jouhari (@tweetrajouhari) June 21, 2018
congrats to the NYT for finding the least relevant person for the times we live in. truly masters at the art pic.twitter.com/2tTZ1LEAvP
— Insatiable Gun Taker (@crushingbort) June 21, 2018
I can’t believe Trump signed the #ExecutiveOrder, then said “comedians, you can now ease back into plugging your tour dates.
— Todd Barry (@toddbarry) June 20, 2018
Unbelievable. Here is the audition tape that Good Morning America @GMA rejected for when i was going to interview the cast of “Tag” @tagthemoviepic.twitter.com/1WoRayDp2d
— jeremy levick (@levickjeremy) June 20, 2018
She left her temp job as she started it, explaining to her boss what a sketch show was
— ellen haun (@ellenhaun) June 19, 2018
Imagine my shock when our transition to fascism was not halted by a rare quadruple whopper rating on the whopblog pic.twitter.com/7Oq9WRk7yK
— Matt Bors (@MattBors) June 19, 2018
Wow. Always thought the “good republican” talk was a myth. Thank you Senator Flake pic.twitter.com/APHdCGY7Qg
— cory snearowski (@corysnearowski) June 19, 2018
the guy is spread too thin pic.twitter.com/bf7fgwz4wt
— alivepool (@OkButStill) June 18, 2018
Excuse me pic.twitter.com/rMm3J8HTYg
— Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) June 18, 2018