See the Burn: The Best and Worst Yule Log Videos Streaming this Holiday Season

With almost two weeks until Kris Kringle descends the chimney, not all of us are fortunate enough to have a working hearth to heat the home and lend fitting holiday ambience. And so, we scoured streaming services for the most festive fire this side of the flat screen.
A few criteria: The following selections are explicitly holiday in nature. The business of fireside broadcasting has become a year-round cottage industry (no pun intended), so we intentionally chopped any videos that were not of the season. Also, they’re of no extra charge other than your monthly streaming service subscription. Lastly, the focus here is on the fire itself, and not other holiday vignettes, picturesque as they may be.
With that in mind, fire up the device and get in the spirit with these yuletide scenarios.
FOR THE ASH HEAP
Yule Log Christmas Fireplace 10 Hours
Availability: Amazon Prime Video
Running time: 10 hours (!)
Crackle factor: Steady and sharp—basically the only thing this one has going for it.
Other audio: Nothing to speak of, especially when the visuals are so… noteworthy.
Fireside thoughts: Instead of a close shot of the fire itself, here we get the whole mantel, including the stone work and walls around it, a partially cropped-out chair, a random house plant, and a bronzed statue of a child(?). Title and description notwithstanding, there are absolutely no visible or audible “Yule” touches, just 10 damn hours of a fire, poorly framed and ill-conceived in someone else’s well-lit living room.
Log line: Pound the eggnog and excuse yourself from this unfortunate, bizarre house party—all 10 hours of it.
Holiday Family Favorites: Yule Log
Availability: Amazon Prime Video
Running time: 63 min.
Crackle factor: The crackle don’t quit.
Other audio: Just as audible as the fire is an intermittent hum that sounds like someone’s speaker shorted out nearby, along with a decent amount of noise that didn’t get mixed down.
Fireside thoughts: There’s no music here, just the appearance of fire (more on that momentarily), and a jarring flash every 10 seconds that tells of an obvious video loop. The composition itself is similarly odd, with a solid orange illumination at the bottom of the fire that calls to mind a garage heater and animated-looking flames that look superimposed over it.
Log line: Extinguish at once.
The Ultimate Yule Log: The Light of Christmas
Availability: Amazon Prime Video
Running time: 68 min.
Crackle factor: You’ll be too dumbfounded by the visuals and music to bother seeking out the crackle.
Other audio: The corn factor is high on this one, from an opening poem of Hallmarkian sentiment to the lowest-budget Manheim Steamroller carols a la ’80s-era Casio, tinny pianos, ancient symphonic and choral treatments, even a reggae nod. Did someone ask for a ball-peen hammer for Christmas? Break it out.
Fireside thoughts: A vestige of the old 4:3 screen ratio age, this one throws everything and the kitchen sink into the (deeply sooted) hearth, which looks as though it were illuminated from above by fluorescent key light. No kidding, the finest bit of Santa clip art floats down the live-action chimney (ouch, those flames!) barely 2 minutes into the hour-plus shenanigans, with the backing brick wall a canvas for projections of Christmas ornaments, nutcrackers, church facades, winter landscapes and other seasonal sights. Add a dusting of snow and a starry night on top of the flames for odd measure, along with another obviously computer-sketched hearth superimposed over the fire, some truly god-awful illustrations, an old animation and telling of the story of Luke 2, and a scene from 1935’s Scrooge, the first feature-length sound adaptation of A Christmas Carol.
Log line: From secular to sacred to clip-art Santa, this is truly the ultimate, whatever that means.