Del Water Gap Shines on I Miss You Already + I Haven’t Left Yet

I miss you already, and I haven’t left yet. S. Holden Jaffe, the artist better known as Del Water Gap, found those nine words scratched in the pages of a dusty William Carlos Williams poetry book while going through his late grandfather’s possessions. And, while Jaffe’s grandfather penned the note to his grandmother in another place and time, the years between the past and present melted away as he considered those words.

See, Del Water Gap is no stranger to the psychological concept of anticipatory grief, or the feeling of loss one gets while waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like generations of creatives before him that came of age amidst the bright lights and boundless ambition of New York City, Jaffe spent his salad days oscillating between working odd jobs to scrape by, chasing his artistic dreams and pleasure-seeking. He succeeded at all of the above—and then, a lot of things seemed to happen at once. Some of them were good: He signed to independent record label Mom + Pop Music and released his stellar, self-titled 2021 debut album, which propelled him to international recognition; he embarked on a global tour in support of that project and played to crowds around the world. But the flip side of those rosy dreams-come-true was a less idealized version of reality. The usual suspects popped up: Jaffe was in a state of constant change, spending night after night in various hotel rooms and still adjusting to his new lifestyle. Though on the outside, he was achieving his wildest dreams, on the inside, he felt dejected and spiritually drained.

So Jaffe did exactly what he knew how to do. Working alongside producer Sammy Witte (whose resume includes SZA’s SOS and Harry Styles’ Harry’s House), he poured everything he had into his next Del Water Gap project. The result was I Miss You Already + I Haven’t Left Yet, an intimate record brimming with passion, energy and feeling. Though Jaffe delves into difficult subject matter—vocalizing experiences with love, loss, sobriety and massive existential doubt— he sounds looser, freer and more like himself than ever before. But this authenticity doesn’t come without a struggle. As Jaffe notes on album standout “Coping on Unemployment,” a deceitfully upbeat, emotionally raw track that sounds like it came right out of the height of the Tumblr era: “It’s hard to give yourself over to something / When it could all turn into nothing.”

Even when the truth is less than desirable, however, Jaffe washes himself clean time and time again by choosing to tell it like it is. He grapples with crippling cynicism and self-doubt on moody alt-pop anthem “Beach House”; he’s heartbreakingly self-aware when voicing his mental health struggles on grungy acoustic guitar-driven track “Want It All”: “Thinking ‘bout killing myself all the time / Ain’t too good for business / Ain’t good for this headache / Ain’t good for my mind”; he yearns for the better days of yesteryear, even while they’re still happening, on lead single “All We Ever Do Is Talk”—a track defined by its punchy bassline and existential dread.

But Jaffe also doesn’t shy away from his romantic side. He’s more than willing to be a shoulder to cry on on swoon-worthy indie-pop song “Doll House,” and he finds substance in the ordinary on the Arlo Parks-featuring “Quilt of Steam.” He pines after a love interest, flaws and all, on sultry track “Glitter & Honey”: “She dresses like Hermione but evil / Said she knows my music, hates it / I’m sick, wasted, waiting for her ride to come.” He’s not afraid to tell an ex-lover how much he really, really misses them on confessional power ballad “NFU”: “I’m afraid that I’ll die without you, die not knowing if you were the one / There’s no way that you’re not, I’m sorry.”

Through all the love, madness and self-reckoning emerges Del Water Gap, an artist finally stepping into himself by embracing complexity and imperfection—both his own, and that of the world around him. He’s willing to face the struggles that come his way and is able to find meaning by basking in the sunshine today, despite the fact that it might rain tomorrow. Jaffe knows all things in life are fleeting, just like life itself. But I Miss You Already + I Haven’t Left Yet begs the question: Would there be beauty in anything if this weren’t the case?

Elizabeth Braaten is a writer from Houston, Texas.