As the world tweets its support for Brussels (we’re not even going to begin to plumb the depths of today’s horrific attacks) and Lollapalooza refuses to announce its lineup despite tickets going on sale today, it’s nice to be reminded of the funny little moments in life that make this world worth it. As ever, Father John Misty was there for us last night, live-tweeting an awkward-sounding Tinder date from a bar in Los Angeles. You can just tell that the pleasantries exchanged between the likely lad and lass were grating on the acerbic artist’s mind.
Need further confirmation but pretty sure I’m sitting next to a Tindr date/// will keep you posted
— FATHER JOHN MISTY (@fatherjohnmisty) March 22, 2016
We wonder if leaving the “e” out of “Tinder” was some subconscious way of combining it with Grindr, perhaps anticipating that things would trend toward the promiscuous.
Things got a little New Age-y after that:
Dude went in strong exploiting presumed insecurities///she is talking about energy spheres///lots of mock accents happening///very steamy
— FATHER JOHN MISTY (@fatherjohnmisty) March 22, 2016
See, this sounds millennial as all hell. We’re most curious about what accents these people were trying out, though—it would be quite illustrative of what types of people these folks are. For example, was the guy doing a Borat while the girl was doing a Frances McDormand-in-Fargo? That would signal immaturity on his part and maybe a little bit of sophisticated panache on hers. If they were both doing mock Japanese accents, that might paint a picture of two racists. For a guy whose songs tell it like it is, FJM really let us down here.
Anyways, he continued on to describe the arrival of the drinks:
Mutually confirming length of time lived in LA///gratuitous “cheers” once drinks arrived///cross referencing potential mutual acquaintances
— FATHER JOHN MISTY (@fatherjohnmisty) March 22, 2016
This part seems far less interesting than what transpired before, but perhaps that’s indicative of humans’ desire for shared experiences, and the depths of surface level to which we will dig to find them. In a way, this reads precisely like an affirmation of FJM’s cynicism … maybe the guy got a little weirded out by the energy spheres and wanted to dial things back somewhat.
The saga continued:
Dude referencing numerous ways in which she is “refreshing”//ancient gym class anecdote///lots of gratitude//imploring not to “get me wrong”
— FATHER JOHN MISTY (@fatherjohnmisty) March 22, 2016
We’d like to think that FJM misunderstood the object of the guy’s affections, and that he was actually referring to his beverage as refreshing. It’s all he has in the world if he’s still letting himself be affected by old tales of the P.E. halcyon days, which is pathetic whether he looks back on them with pride or shame. Overcome yourself, man!
Things then took a turn for the Hollywood:
She identifies as an artist but doesn’t want “to be that guy”//Girl from “GIRLS” is sitting nearby-both noticed independently of one another
— FATHER JOHN MISTY (@fatherjohnmisty) March 22, 2016
The “girl from GIRLS” turned out to be Jemima Kirke, who was out with her sister Lola (of Mozart in the Jungle fame). Both of them happened to notice FJM, even if the Tinder couple didn’t:
@jemimakirke + I just watched @fatherjohnmisty play on his phone for 2 hours at a bar. Waited anxiously for his doppelgänger to come…
— Lola Kirke (@LolaKirke) March 22, 2016
Wait, this was two hours?! First of all, that’s an impressive length of time for a first Tinder date—apparently, things were going well enough to not warrant an excuse and hasty retreat. Second, sitting at a bar playing on your phone for two hours is probably the most FJM thing possible. Now we know where he gets the Johnny Back-of-the-Bar vibe that permeates his music. (Did we just invent the term “Johnny Back-of-the-Bar?” Yes. It’s going to be a thing.)
His cutting observation continued:
She writes her own stuff///he is succeeding in a field he detests ideologically///
— FATHER JOHN MISTY (@fatherjohnmisty) March 22, 2016
We hope Jemima Kirke was taking notes on this, too, to inform her portrayal of the stereotypical millennial.
The night ended well for the Tinder couple, at least in FJM’s conjecture:
Now they are having sex
— FATHER JOHN MISTY (@fatherjohnmisty) March 22, 2016
At least, we think this is conjecture. We’re sure we’ll find out whenever Father John Misty’s next album comes out, because if all is right in the world, he will turn this into a song.
As an aside, we also got curious and checked out the list of people whom FJM follows on Twitter. There are three of them: Every Tweet Ever (basically Twitter for cynics), artist/musician John Lurie (who, according to FJM’s profile, is the only reason he’s on Twitter), and Kanye, because Kanye.
In case the above anecdote wasn’t enough proof, you can check out our feature on why Father John Misty is the best kind of asshole here.
(h/t NME)