Scott Pruitt’s Resignation Letter Was Really Something

We wrote yesterday afternoon about how EPA head Scott Pruitt proved too unethical even by Trump standards, and we wrote today on how his replacement Andrew Wheeler is probably worse. Now, because Pruitt didn’t want to leave us without one last piece of sweet delectable content, we have his resignation letter. Our best friends at Fox News have the entire text, and boy is it a doozy. Let’s take it piece by piece:

Mr. President, it has been an honor to serve you in the Cabinet as Administrator of the EPA. Truly, your confidence in me has blessed me personally and enabled me to advance your agenda beyond what anyone anticipated at the beginning of your Administration.

True. These guys really screwed up an already screwed-up environment.

Your courage, steadfastness and resolute commitment to get results for the American people, both with regard to improved environmental outcomes as well as historical regulatory reform, is in fact occurring at an unprecedented pace and I thank you for the opportunity to serve you and the American people in helping achieve those ends.

“Improved environmental outcomes” is only true if Trump pronouncing that climate change is a hoax makes it so. Which, to be fair, it does for most of his supporters.

That is why is hard for me to advise you I am stepping down as Administrator of the EPA effective as of July 6. It is extremely difficult for me to cease serving you in this role first because I count it a blessing to be serving you in any capacity, but also, because of the transformative work that is occurring.

This is too much flowery language directed at an actual sociopath already, and it gets worse later, but first…blame game!

However, the unrelenting attacks on me personally, my family, are unprecedented and have taken a sizable toll on all of us.

You are literally the most corrupt official in the most corrupt American regime ever. Now it gets really weird.

My desire in service to you has always been to bless you as you make important decisions for the American people.

Almost sounds kinky in the most disturbing way possible.

I believe you are serving as President today because of God’s providence.

Pruitt must believe in a particularly cruel god.

I believe that same providence brought me into your service.

And a god who doesn’t vet his soldiers on earth especially well.

I pray as I have served you that I have blessed you and enabled you to effectively lead the American people.

Why is he so obsessed with “blessing” Donald Trump? What does that even mean? Also, does the fact that Pruitt is actually religious just end religion for all time?

Thank you again Mr. President for the honor of serving you and I wish you Godspeed in all that you put your hand to.

“May the Lord guide you with his divine hand as you put children in cages as He intended.”

Your Faithful Friend, Scott Pruitt

“P.S., I transferred a sum of $152.4 million from the EPA to a personal account Cayman Islands on my last day. It was the money that was going to fix Flint’s water. Presidential pardon please?”