The 20 Best Schmidt Quotes
It’s safe to say that New Girl just wouldn’t be the same without the delightfully douchey fat-kid-turned-ladies’-man, Schmidt. Between stuffing dollars into the Douchebag Jar and wooing Cece, Schmidt offers plenty of hilarious quotes and one-liners and stands out as one of the show’s most beloved characters.
Season three of New Girl is set to kick off tomorrow and is sure to offer more golden Schmidt-isms. To gear up for the season and commemorate everyone’s favorite douchebag, we’ve put together some of our favorite Schmidt moments.
20. Decorating
“Pine has no place in this loft. It’s the wood of poor people and outhouses.” (Episode 1.16, “Control”)
19. Cooking
“Are you cooking a frittata in a sauce pan? What is this prison?” (Episode 2.1, “Re-Launch”)
18. Manhood
“Know this: your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty and Paxil.” (Episode 2.8, “Parents”)
17. Reading Material
“Outliers — you should read it. Malcolm Gladwell. It’s one of my desert island books, along with Machiavelli’s The Prince, Freak by John Leguizamo, any of the scripts from the first season of Vampire Diaries” (Episode 1.13, “Valentines Day”)
16. Personalized
“Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!” (Episode 1.10, “The Story of the 50”)
15. Broenemies
“We’re broenemies. He’s my fremesis.” (Episode 1.10, “The Story of the 50”)
14. Celebrate
“Can we just take a moment to celebrate me?” (Episode 1.19, “Secrets”)
13. Driving Gear
“Damn it! I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere.” (Episode 1.10, “The Story of the 50”)
12. Nick
“Nick is delicate. Like a flower. Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself.” (Episode 1.4, “Naked”)