On The Bachelor and Bachelorette, Age Is Always a Number
Photos Courtesy of ABC
The newest season of The Bachelorette opened up with early teasers of current lead Clare Crawley dramatically correcting a contestant’s comment of expecting more from the oldest Bachelorette. “I don’t care what I’ve done. Guess what? I’m the oldest Bachelorette, that’s 39, that’s standing here, that’s single, because I didn’t settle for men like that,” she spills.
Crawley is indeed 39, and is indeed the oldest Bachelorette in the show’s history. Unsurprisingly, within that history are double standards for the way age and relationships are discussed. Potentially reflective of real-life societal views, the franchise tries (and fails) to be progressive, but still propels an old-school way of thinking about how we date.
The Bachelorette currently has a cast of eligible men whose ages range from 26 to 40 years old. Yet, Crawley’s main criticism comes from her being too “old” for the show, rather than the men being too young. Society and the show continue to perceive men—whether they are young or older—as the dominant role in a relationship, even if there is an equal balance between the two partners.
Truthfully, I take partial issue with the discussion society and television presents about age because I see pieces of Crawley in my own mother. My mother, after remarrying in circa 2005, had two more children with a partner who was born in 1981. Her birth year was 1973. Nobody questioned his readiness to choose to be in a relationship. And while my mother didn’t face nearly as much criticism as Crawley, the “cougar” jokes were definitely there—even from my younger brother and I. Yet, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that the jokes and deeming it as taboo is an unfair judgement towards both age and gender. (Sadly, not everyone has had that revelation.)
I do understand that there are large age gap relationships between people that can be representative of harmful power dynamics. However, condemning every connection presented between two legally consenting people—on the show and in real life—just because of two varying dates of birth isn’t the way to move forward with healthy relationship discourse.
It’s also interesting that while society appears to trust young men as capable of making their own decisions when it comes to dating, young women—as The Bachelor presents it—are not. Nobody questions the readiness of Clare’s younger men. When reversed, though, the question goes more towards appropriateness.
Arie Luyendyk Jr.’s season of The Bachelor aired in 2017—three years before Crawley’s, but serves as a perfect point of comparison. (Luyendyk is also the same age as Crawley now, though was 36 during his run as The Bachelor lead.)
“How Old Are Arie’s Final Three Girls?” and “The Bachelor’s Arie Luyendyk Is a Decade Older Than the Average Female Contestant” were average headlines during his Bachelor run, while a simple search of “Clare Crawley Age Gap” doesn’t share the same discourse. Both leads were criticized as talking points for their ages as a part of the show, yet for Crawley it came from the men on the cast, rather than the Luyendyk-focused public media think pieces.