7.5

Big Ass Spider!

TV Reviews
Big Ass Spider!

‘You know,’ I thought, slipping my screener of Big Ass Spider! into the DVD player, ‘this is sort of an open-ended title.’

I mean sure, we’re most likely dealing with a film about a giant spider. Seeing as this thing is premiering on Syfy April 19, that’s almost certainly what I have in my hands. But to be perfectly fair, it could just as easily be a movie about a spider who simply has a bit of junk in the trunk. The kind of arachnid Sir Mix-a-Lot would find particularly compelling, if you will.

But no, in reality, Big Ass Spider! turns out to be the former. It’s a film that on first inspection looks to be a typical Syfy creature feature, but in reality it’s a cut above most of its direct competition. There will undoubtedly be detractors who lump it into the same category as films like Sharknado and the Mega Shark series, but compared to them, there’s an easily noticeable upgrade in quality on all fronts. It’s more good-natured, less stilted and in many ways more fun.

From the very beginning, it’s clear that the production value is just a little bit higher than expected. That means more on-screen time for the titular spider because the visuals are decent enough that it doesn’t need to be hidden. No one would mistake it for VFX in a conventional summer blockbuster, but its interactions with the skyscrapers of downtown L.A. are well-rendered and dynamic. There are many different levels of quality encompassed by “low-budget,” and visually this is in the upper tier.

Our hero is Alex (Greg Grunberg), an everyman exterminator and would-be lothario with a heart of gold. Hospitalized by a surprisingly trivial brown recluse bite, he immediately stumbles onto a much more serious arachnid situation, as a misplaced, never fully explained body belonging to the military arrives and immediately disgorges a deadly spider the size of a teacup poodle. From there, the spider escapes, wreaking havoc and growing at an exponential rate until it’s the size of a small house and can casually bat helicopters out of the air like King Kong.

Of course, since every hero also needs a semi-capable sidekick, we’re also given Jose (Lombardo Boyar), the Mexican hospital security guard who immediately throws away his job security to act as “the Robe-been to jore Bahd-mahn.” His portrayal is incredibly, fantastically insensitive on a racial level, but his gleeful delivery of each bit of silly dialog lets us know he’s thoroughly in on the joke. His comic timing and chemistry with Alex are honestly impeccable, elevating just about every scene where he appears. (If Grunberg and Boyar haven’t been scene partners in an L.A. improv class somewhere, I’ll be very surprised.)

The relative lack of filler is another factor that sets Big Ass Spider! apart from other members of its ilk. It has a motor on it, propelling itself through its under-80 minute runtime without ever taking a breath or pausing for an extended bit of boring exposition or pseudo-science babble, a staple of creature features. At times, it almost seems a little bit too brisk, which is something I never thought I’d say about this style of movie. It’s easy to imagine television being the true medium it was designed for from the very beginning, where commercial breaks may help give an impression of more development. Watching straight through, it’s more like we’re rushing to the conclusion at full speed because the writers aren’t sure what else to do with a big ass spider besides “blow that sucker up.”

Ultimately, this film is a prime example of “better than it has to be.” It won’t appear on anyone’s year-end list, but standing next to its peers it may as well be royalty. All hail Big Ass Spider! Sharknado 2: The Second One will be hard-pressed to surpass its entertainment value.

Jim Vorel is a Central Illinois-based entertainment reporter and regular contributor to Paste. You can follow him onTwitter.

Director: Mike Mendez
Writer: Gregory Gieras
Starring: Greg Grunberg, Lin Shave, Patrick Bauchau, Ray Wise, Clare Kramer, Lombardo Boyar
Release Date: Saturday, Apr. 19

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