Today I would like to share one of my favorite corners of the internet, the National Post’s novelty Twitter account Limericking. Limericking turns the news not only into limericks but into pretty consistently good limericks, which I think is just great. When something batshit crazy happens in the world every couple days, I take some small solace in the knowledge that soon there will be a limerick about it. It’s not a lot of solace, but, it’s more than I get from the Trump Ties account, which I’ll probably aggregate here sooner or later anyways. So, yeah. I hope you enjoy these limericks too:
“Duterte, I know that it’s late;
However, I wanted to state
I long have believed
That what you’ve achieved
By murdering people is great.”— Limericking (@Limericking) May 24, 2017
Reportedly, Spicer had hope
Of going and greeting the Pope
With aides and the FLOTUS
Alongside the POTUS
In Vatican City, but nope.— Limericking (@Limericking) May 24, 2017
A candidate out in Montana
Beneath the Republican banner
Appearing to snap
Assaulted a chap
Then lied in an obvious manner.— Limericking (@Limericking) May 25, 2017
A fellow was left with his phone,
His favourite thing, as is known,
And sat in its light
Unsleeping at night.
“Covfefe,” he tweeted, alone.— Limericking (@Limericking) May 31, 2017
A bank and an airline refuse
To sponsor despicable views
Like what one regards
In plays of the Bard’s
If one has the brains of Fox News.— Limericking (@Limericking) June 12, 2017
Republicans up on the Hill
Said, “This is good news for the ill;
Just kindly ignore
That CBO score
Plus most of the actual bill.”— Limericking (@Limericking) June 26, 2017
A governor no one will miss
Whose polling is in an abyss
Shut beaches by law.
“Muahahaha,”
He cackled, “More beaches for Chris.”— Limericking (@Limericking) July 3, 2017
TFW you’re plotting with Russians
And lie to avoid repercussions,
But one of your bro’s
Old messages shows
The shadiness of the discussions.— Limericking (@Limericking) July 11, 2017
Said Kellyanne Conway, “I’d add
That none of it really is bad.
Was anyone caught
Colluding a lot?
No, only colluding a tad.”— Limericking (@Limericking) July 14, 2017
The BCRA, it transpires,
Is short of the votes it requires
So may not endure
And harm all the poor
Like Mr. McConnell desires.— Limericking (@Limericking) July 18, 2017
“Hey Malcolm, this convo is bad
Compared to the ones that I had
Just hours ago
With leaders you know,
For instance [sighs wistfully] Vlad.”— Limericking (@Limericking) August 3, 2017
It’s said that to be a good dad
Means telling your grown, adult lad
Who’s caught in a mess
And facing the press
What level of lying to add.— Limericking (@Limericking) August 1, 2017
“The Lazarus poem’s unrelated
And also in fact overrated;
Its message is wrong
And doesn’t belong,”
The president’s goblin has stated.— Limericking (@Limericking) August 2, 2017
In secret the VP intended
To challenge the pres, some contended.
But Pence, you’ll recall,
Has no spine at all
& said he was deeply offended— Limericking (@Limericking) August 7, 2017
“No, everything’s totally fine
In spite of the media’s line.
I’ll now take you through
This glowing review
From Pickle, a boy who is nine.”— Limericking (@Limericking) July 26, 2017
When the POTUS brought in a new guy,
Anxiety levels went high,
And then the New Yorker
Revealed, in a corker,
Some evidence pointing to why.— Limericking (@Limericking) July 27, 2017
A chap was so wise and mature,
His heart so courageous and pure,
Though ailing, he stood
And did all he could
To help disadvantage the poor.— Limericking (@Limericking) July 25, 2017
“The thing that’s important, you see,
Is rendering fealty to me
And hating all those
I see as my foes,”
He said to a youth jamboree.— Limericking (@Limericking) July 24, 2017
Republican pols disavowed
The big white supremacist crowd
Who marched in the streets
Uncovered by sheets
And stated the quiet part loud.— Limericking (@Limericking) August 13, 2017
A chap at the president’s side
Who earlier publicly lied
Now says though he hid
The business he did,
He didn’t collude—he just tried.— Limericking (@Limericking) July 10, 2017
A fellow built up a rapport
With racists and bigots and more.
He later won power
And at a key hour
Was simply the same as before.— Limericking (@Limericking) August 13, 2017
A firm was exposed in its vices
And entered a moment of crisis.
The firm, Hobby Lobby,
Was found to be robby
And kind of a funder of ISIS.— Limericking (@Limericking) July 6, 2017
Congrats to today’s GOP
On backing a fine nominee,
Now busy befriending
The Nazis defending
Confederate Robert E. Lee.— Limericking (@Limericking) August 15, 2017
Scaramucci described on the phone
What Bannon can master alone
For he has no prob
Performing a job
And finishing all on his own.— Limericking (@Limericking) July 27, 2017
A fellow who never grew tired
Of lying whenever required
Abandoned this mission
And quit his position
When someone annoying was hired.— Limericking (@Limericking) July 21, 2017