Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen‘s Exuberance Is Still Delightful 20 Years Later
Screenshot via YouTube
Standing in Target in 2004, I faced the most important decision of my young life: Should my first DVD purchase be Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen or Ella Enchanted? I ended up choosing the former, and as it worked back then, this fateful selection meant that I played the iridescent disc over and over again until every line and beat of that movie worked its way into the grooves of my nine-year-old brain.
The film adaptation of Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (originally a novel by Dyan Sheldon) turns 20 today, and I hadn’t watched the movie in years until I went to revisit it for this piece. Confessions didn’t receive the critical acclaim of teen comedies like Mean Girls and hasn’t had the same lasting legacy as Princess Diaries or Bring It On, both of which have secured a comfortable place in the public’s memory of the noughties. I wasn’t sure I was even going to like the movie beyond my own nostalgia. (And reader, believe me, there is nostalgia galore: an orchestra of Mac laptops, cell phones mentioned as a flex, and idiosyncratic fashion that cannot be summed up in mere words.) However, upon revisiting it, I was surprised to find that Confessions is just as exuberantly delightful as I remembered.
Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen follows 15-year-old aspiring actress Mary Cep (Lindsay Lohan) as she moves from the hustle and bustle of New York City to Dellwood, New Jersey, which she dismissively dubs “Deadwood.” Insisting that people call her Lola (she tells a teacher that “everyone has referred to me as Lola since I was a squealing infant in my mother’s arms, I don’t even know who this Mary is”), she soon becomes friends with the shy Ella (Alison Pill) and enemies with entitled rich bitch Carla Santini (Megan Fox). That animosity is cemented when Lola beats out Carla for the lead role of Eliza in a reimagining of Pygmalion written and directed by their eccentric drama teacher (is there any other kind?) Ms. Baggoli (Carol Kane). When Lola and Ella’s favorite band Sidarthur breaks up, the two pull out all the stops to see the group’s last show. They end up spending the evening with the lead singer, Stu Wolff (“the greatest poet since Shakespeare” to Lola), but no one believes them thanks to Carla’s lies. The movie ends with Lola’s triumphant performance in the school musical and a surprise appearance from Stu that validates the two best friends’ story.
Lola is a heightened predecessor to Lady Bird from Greta Gerwig’s 2017 film of the same name, packaged in a more frothy vehicle. Both are thespians dead set on becoming famous, and both adopt more “exciting” nicknames. They’re supported by their demure best friends (Lady Bird has Beanie Feldstein’s Julie, while Lola has Ella) and come from lower middle class families. Lola also resembles Anne from the novel Anne of Green Gables, with her imaginative and melodramatic manner. The way Lindsay Lohan utters “Ella Gerard, you are the sister of my soul,” immediately reminds me of Anne’s impassioned declaration that her neighbor Diane is her “bosom friend.” Sure, Lola bends the truth at times (more on that later), but her sincerity is genuine. Lohan is positively glowing here, and she makes a character that could be grating in the wrong hands extremely fun to watch.
Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen may have the best portrayal of an adolescent girl’s inner life—not the serious, lonely moments, but the vibrant fantasies that fuel crushes and obsessions of the moment. We often cut from Lola’s humdrum life in New Jersey (which, for the record, still bursts with color and has that unmistakable movie sheen to it) to cartoonish scenes unfolding in her head, like the flashbacks of her parents’ whirlwind romance or the image of rockstar Stu Wolff holding onto a meteor as it hurtles towards earth. The props department deserve major kudos for their work on Lola’s scrapbook dedicated to Stu, which is covered with glitter and intricately decorated. Details like these give texture to the movie and give us a sense of just how much Lola is dedicated to Sidarthur’s frontman.