The Funniest Tweets about the Second Democratic Debate—Including Too Many Marianne Williamson Jokes
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There was so much to talk about after last night’s second Democratic Primary Debate, and 99.9% of it involved Marianne Williamson. The peace activist, self-help author, former Congressional candidate, and one-time roommate of Laura Dern’s stole the show with her new age Boomerisms, which made her sound like a right-wing talk radio host’s parody of Californians turned flesh.
The other highlight was Kamala Harris’s utter demolition of Joe Biden, who should probably just go disappear forever after his performance last night. It says a lot about America’s rightward lurch over the last 40 years that a guy who by all accounts lines up nicely with Nixon-era Republicans could somehow run for the liberal party’s nomination in 2019, and actually be taken seriously as a top candidate. Don’t you have a sitcom to go do a guest spot in, Joe?
The stage was filled out with the same mix of legitimate candidates and people whose names you’ll never hear again as the first night. In addition to Harris and Biden, Bernie Sanders and Pete Buttigieg were on hand, rounding up the group of people who actually have a shot at this thing. And then you had your Andrew Yangs and your Hickenloopers and your Swalwells—people whose first names aren’t even worth learning because as soon as they drop out you’ll never have to think about them again. It’s ridiculous we’re even going to talk about these events until they start pitting the serious candidates against each other, but hey, this is a numbers business and what the hell else is going to drag people in during the summer?
So here are some jokes about last night. A ton of them are about Marianne Williamson but don’t worry: there’s variety here. There’s more than enough room in the digital ether to make fun of all candidates, and not just the ones who believe in fairies and aliens. Check ‘em out below and make sure to follow all these great tweeters.
Beto spoke Spanish last night… Big deal. Bernie Sanders is like 600 years old. He’s going to come out tonight speaking Aramaic.
— Matt Fernandez (@FattMernandez) June 27, 2019
I will watch the debates when it’s down to a tight 87 candidates.
— alison becker (@thealisonbecker) June 28, 2019
Williamson Sons are the new Bernie Bros and WE WON’T BE IGNORED
— Alex Blagg (@alexblagg) June 28, 2019
BERNIE SUPPORTERS: Bernie crushed it tonight!
KAMALA HARRIS’ SUPPORTERS: Kamala was clearly the winner of the debate.
MARIANNE WILLIAMSON’S SUPPORTERS: The soil was firm today, rough but fair— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 28, 2019
Bernie: Nothing will change unless we take on a corrupt system
Kamala: We must stand firm and confront Trump
Biden: pulling out phone I’ve got a photo here of me with Obama wait drops phone
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) June 28, 2019
bernie just went off like a dad in hour five on a road trip
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 28, 2019
I think Bernie would be best suited to shuffling into the White House as an adviser of some sort, like Yoda #DemDebate2
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) June 28, 2019
What wakes me up at 3 am is the UTI I got from The Springs mineral spa in Palm Desert #DemDebate
— Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) June 28, 2019
joe biden’s teeth are singlehandedly gentrifying the stage
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 28, 2019
“Making jokes about Bernie and Biden being old is ageist!” cry the people who baselessly blame millennials for everything.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 28, 2019
Marianne has absolutely cast a spell on someone in her lifetime and I love that #DemDebate#ACandidateIsBorn
— Alise Morales (@AliseNavidad) June 28, 2019
I think we’re watching Biden slowly realize Obama was the charming one.
— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) June 28, 2019
When there’s an argument on the subway pic.twitter.com/SSKB9vuJuT
— The Give Smart Guy (@BobbyBigWheel) June 28, 2019
millenials look at Joe Biden like a rotary phone is running for president #DemDebate
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) June 28, 2019
Marianne Williamson totally destroyed New Zealand in this debate. #DemDebate#democraticdebate2019
— aasif mandvi (@aasif) June 28, 2019
if Joe Biden stands too close to Bernie Sanders his molecules, drawn by their inescapable opposite, will meld and the two will become one candidate, Jernoe Bandern
— Erin crosstalk Ryan (@morninggloria) June 28, 2019
If Joe Biden ends up debating Trump they’re gonna agree on busing
— jack allison (@jackallisonLOL) June 28, 2019
Sure, Marianne Williams claims she works with crystals, but Joe Biden and Bernie actually have them in their urinary tract.
— Medicare For All (@David_Feldman_) June 28, 2019
Marianne Williamson: My first call is to New Zealand. If they can figure out a way to save all those wonderful little hobbits from Sauron’s ring, we could all stand to learn from their gentle, enlightened ways.
Chuck Todd: WTF?!#DemDebate
— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) June 28, 2019
BIDEN: i am not a racist, i simply believe the federal government should stand by and do nothing while segregation happens. ok i see that my time is up so i am done
MODERATOR: it’s not, u have 45 more seconds mr vice president
BIDEN: im good thanks
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) June 28, 2019
Joe Biden pulling up when he knows his time is up is probably the first time he’s ever respected boundaries.
— mike mulloy (@fakemikemulloy) June 28, 2019
I didn’t watch the debate but I’m guessing Biden brought his signature 3-note potpourri of not even bothering to try, being actively terrible, and “How Very Dare You Question My Greatness”?
— Molly Hodgdon (@Manglewood) June 28, 2019
Andrew Yang’s trying to get John Hickenlooper to convert all his savings to bitcoin during every commercial break.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 28, 2019
Biden, clearly in some sort of Looper situation, just said defeating Trump is the first thing he’d do when elected President
— maura quint (@behindyourback) June 28, 2019
I have a question for Joe Biden: if you crash on a desert island and can’t get a haircut do the sides just grow out bozo style while the hair plugs stay the same length
— Jake Flores (@feraljokes) June 28, 2019
You can’t be president if your name is Hickenlooper. You can be a musical instrument in a Dr. Seuss book. But not president.
— Matt Fernandez (@FattMernandez) June 28, 2019
Every time Eric Swalwell talks I have to count the candidates to make sure he didn’t just randomly show up mid-debate.
— Everlasting Haberdasher (@dlukenelson) June 28, 2019
Check Marianne’s green room, she definitely stole someone’s baby #DemDebate
— Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) June 28, 2019
Williamson/Yang would be the perfect ticket if not for the fact he’s against removing foreskins and she needs them for spells
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) June 28, 2019
Marianne Williamson should hire some new healing crystals to run her campaign #demdebate
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) June 28, 2019
This field is so insane there is a dude literally named “Hickenlooper” and NOBODY is joking about it.
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) June 28, 2019
If I were Joe Biden I would walk around with a cardboard cutout of Barack Obama and always be holding his hand #DemDebate
— Jamie Kilstein (@jamiekilstein) June 28, 2019
I knew I recognized Marianne Williamson from somewhere. Turns out it was from a community meeting in West LA, where she said bike lanes cause cancer
— Jordan Fraade (@schadenfraade) June 28, 2019
every time john hickenlooper talks i re-remember him 🙁
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 28, 2019
Joe Biden did great in the VP debates but he no longer has the advantage of facing a tremendous dumbass
— The Give Smart Guy (@BobbyBigWheel) June 28, 2019
Pete Buttigieg goes to shake Marianne Williamson’s hand but she’s already disappeared. On her lectern sits a lone origami crane
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) June 28, 2019
hickenlooper looks like his amusement park is haunted
— as a prosecutor, (@Mobute) June 28, 2019
There’s no way Marianne Williamson doesn’t call these debates “recitals”
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) June 28, 2019
People are TOO BLUE and they are plugging their hair into TOO MANY animals! https://t.co/OjS74flj3T
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) June 28, 2019
I feel for people for whom Marianne Williamson is their first Wellness Weirdo Experience. One of the quintessential political experiences, I think across the spectrum, is agreeing with someone and then they say something like The Government Invented Sweet Potatoes To Enslave Us.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) June 28, 2019
Donald Trump is proof that some reality TV stars shouldn’t run for president. Marianne Williamson is proof that some presidential candidates should have reality TV shows.
— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) June 28, 2019
I demand a Constitutional amendment that requires Marianne Williamson to be on stage at every debate until the end of time. #DemDebate2
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) June 28, 2019
MARIANNE WILLIAMSON: idk i think i came across a little nutty tonight. why’d u make me say that stuff
GLOWING ORB IN HER PURSE: hush my child. the strategy is working
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) June 28, 2019
Joe Biden and Clark Griswold know each other somehow right
— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) June 28, 2019
Marianne Williamson? Well she died over 200 years ago…
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) June 28, 2019
Make Marianne Williamson the moderator for the rest of the debates I am not a crackpot
— The Give Smart Guy (@BobbyBigWheel) June 28, 2019
The winner of the debate should be whoever can best explain how Marianne Williamson got there
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) June 28, 2019
MARIANNE WILLIAMSON: In conclusion, turns into a spectrum of light and fades into a 4th dimension
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 28, 2019
cede the remaining time to Marianne Williamson so she can cover “Edge of Seventeen”
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) June 28, 2019
Marianne Williamson’s social media leaving the debate pic.twitter.com/R7nncyIdNr
— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) June 28, 2019
Marianne Williamson calling New Zealand to talk about harnessing love: pic.twitter.com/T2mYjc94WL
— Nick Jack Pappas (@Pappiness) June 28, 2019
Marianne Williamson is all of my mom’s friends when the wine kicks in.
— Jesse Case (@jessecase) June 28, 2019
Marianne Williamson did a very good job in her closing representing lunatics.
— Mark Harris (@MarkHarrisNYC) June 28, 2019
the decision to vote for Marianne Williamson is simple: would you like Britney’s Instagram page to be president?
— Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) June 28, 2019