It’s well past time. Miss America’s ditching the swimsuit competition, starting in 2019, ending a decades-old tradition of parading young women around in what basically amounts to their underwear so that one of them could “win” the “honor” of traveling around the United States and smiling with a fake crown on her head. Gretchen Carlson, the Miss America board chairwoman and former Fox News journalist who was Miss America 1989 (and who opened up a wave of sexual harassment charges against Fox News head Roger Ailes with her 2016 lawsuit), announced the change earlier today on Good Morning America. “We will no longer judge our candidates on their outward physical appearance,” she said, while also promising that the competition will start to welcome more diverse “shapes and sizes.”
It sounds like the Miss America pageant is finally getting a makeover for the 21st century, one that’ll hopefully cut back a bit on the ample amount of lechery that’s always defined the thing. And of course such a notable change to an American institution has sparked much conversation today, including all kinds of chatter on that website known as Twitter. It’s our responsibility, as always, to bring you the funniest, wittiest, pithiest, most clever and plain old hilarious tweets about any and all major national dialogues, so, uh, here’s this. Yep. Some tweets, again. About this thing with the swimsuits and stuff. Here’s to 2018!
When I saw Miss America trending my first thought was “Yeah I miss America too.”
The decision to no longer judge Miss America contestants based on physical appearance comes on the heels of Miss USA’s decision to no longer judge contestants based on Trump’s business interests.
Don’t worry, guys upset about Miss America eliminating its swimsuit competition. If you want to watch pretty women being forced to wear skimpy clothes, there’s always Fox News.
Sorry you’re upset about the Miss America pageant getting rid of the swimsuit competition, my dude. I’m upset about thousands of years of female oppression, so I feel ya
Gotta love all these middle-aged men pretending like they were huge fans of the Miss America competition. “Well, looks like I won’t be tuning in this year!” Dude, you didn’t tune in last year, either. Give it a rest.
Miss America is scrapping its swimsuit competition and will not judge contestants on physical appearance. It’ll now just be a coincidence that all contestants are smoking hot.
What no one is telling you is there has to be a stable number of swimsuit competitions at all time, so when they take it away from Miss America, they have to add one to the World Series
If Miss America does away with the swimsuit competition, where will I be able to see mostly and/or fully naked women?
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) June 5, 2018
Imagine being born after the era where you had to jack off to Sears catalogs, wear mirrors on your shoes and invent elaborate Great Escape-style missions to see a tit and giving a fuck about the Miss America Pageant at all