I Think I’m the Only One Who Came on This Reality Show to Make Friends
Photo via Elena Nichizhenova/Shutterstock
When I found out I was cast on this season of Betrayal House, I was—pardon my language—gosh darn overjoyed. I don’t have many friends, so I was ecstatic at the prospect of making six new ones. I come from a small town and live on a chicken farm with my four mean brothers and thousands of mean chickens. Not one of the chickens respects me.
Betrayal House seemed like the perfect opportunity to step out of my comfort zone, live in a beautiful Miami penthouse and make long-lasting friendships with cool and interesting people. However, after getting repeatedly and brutally stabbed in the back by my fellow contestants, I’m starting to think I’m the only one who came here to make friends.
I guess I should’ve known that a reality show called Betrayal House wouldn’t be the best place to make friends. Everyone who watches the show knows its premise hinges on fitting as much treachery and backstabbing as humanly possible into a 30-minute episode of television. Within five minutes of my arrival to the penthouse, someone lit my suitcase with all my clothing on fire. Somehow, I was also framed for starting the fire and forced to attend a pricey 10-hour fire safety seminar. Although I learned a lot about fires, things were not off to a good start.
During our first evening at the Betrayal House, I suggested to the rest of the gang that it might be fun to go grocery shopping and cook a big dinner together. To my delight, everyone agreed. We bought ingredients at the local grocery store and made some delicious tacos. Before you know it, we were sharing laughs at our stainless steel dining room table. It was finally happening, I was making friends! It was at that point that Valeria (23, carpenter) disclosed that she had put military grade laxatives in my tacos. Valeria earned 18 Betrayal Points and I didn’t leave the bathroom for two days. Friendship had eluded me again.
Everyone in the cast had their own reasons for wanting to betray the other people in the penthouse. Philip (30, Kevin James’s stunt double) wanted to win the show at any cost, even if that meant two-timing every single person there. Blitz (24, stockbroker) had a sexual need to betray people. He didn’t care about winning or losing; his kink was just stabbing people in the back. Monica (31, yogi) thought betraying as many people as humanly possible would cleanse her body of negative energy pathogens and help her become a better yogi and relaxation consultant. My motivation never changed, though. Episode after episode, I stared into the confessional camera and said I was at the Betrayal House for one reason and one reason only: to get myself some sweet, sweet friendship.