The Funniest Republican National Convention Tweets, Night Four
Screen cap from YouTube Comedy Lists republican national convention
Shockingly, Trump’s speech at the RNC isn’t still going on. The incredibly long, entirely illegal, and depressingly low energy slog was the capstone to a week’s worth of absolute bullshit. The most notable things about it isn’t anything Trump actually said—nothing he’s ever said has been notable past how racist, sexist or delusional it is—but that the event was held at the White House in violation of the Hatch Act, and that it packed well over 1000 people into tight quarters during a pandemic, with almost no masks in sight. If anybody in attendance starts showing COVID symptoms in the next two weeks, remember this night. The Republicans weren’t just breaking the law by using the White House for expressly political purposes, but also going out of their way to tempt fate and act like the pandemic that has already killed over 180,000 Americans in six months wasn’t a concern. And all those Trump supporters and administration toadies who crammed onto that lawn had to suffer through one of the most aimless, uninspired, and interminable political speeches in recent memory. Whatever: those ghouls deserve anything coming their way.
Coming your way, meanwhile, are some jokes. Some laffs. Pure grade A chucks from the tweet factory. We spent the night diligently scrolling through our feed and “liking” any and every tweet that gave us even a microsecond’s pause, and then scraped through the lot with a fine-toothed comb to arrive at the peerless collection of wit and whimsy you’ll find below. It’s a taxing job, paying the slightest bit of attention to the societal collapse we’re currently living through, but it’s one we’ve taken upon ourselves, and so it’s our duty to share other people’s jokes whenever something significant happens. Even if it’s mostly significant because of the jokes people are making about it. Or something.
Here they are: the funniest tweets about the final night of the 2020 Republican National Convention, written by some of the funniest and smartest people on Twitter. One of them’s Dan Rather. Weird! Check ‘em out below, and follow the whole lot of ‘em—they’ve earned that respect.
4,634 people died of Covid in China. Total. We’re at 177,000 and climbing. Don’t call it the “China virus”. This shit is the “Trump Mumps”.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) August 25, 2020
The Trump re-election strategy seems to be to argue that only Donald Trump can save America from Donald Trump’s America.
— Dan Rather (@DanRather) August 27, 2020
hey the good news is that this fetid pile of piping hot hate will be over in 2 hours
— Erin Ambassador to Woketopia Ryan (@morninggloria) August 28, 2020
If you’re watching the RNC convention and it’s not your job you’re nuts.
— Tim Heidecker (@timheidecker) August 28, 2020
Gorgeous dress pic.twitter.com/JV0Da0RLrU
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) August 28, 2020
I LIKE that he struggles reading. I want a regular everyday President, someone I could see myself drinking bleach with.
— Jesse Case (@jessecase) August 28, 2020
when your cousin enters the room looking right https://t.co/vZ9xecPFS9
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) August 28, 2020
Fash Mouth concert pic.twitter.com/yp9pcvr54m
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) August 28, 2020
15 minutes in and nothing on the strength of shower heads or toilets. he’s toast
— Gideon Resnick (@GideonResnick) August 28, 2020
ARSONIST, PUT OUT THIS FIRE! https://t.co/UkYvHQWnGR
— Greg Sargent (@ThePlumLineGS) August 28, 2020
Literally the only reason to watch this shit is if you are short on reasons to be mad
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) August 28, 2020
Every RNC speech is like “This dangerous national unrest that is occurring now, three years into the Trump presidency, will NOT happen when Donald Trump is president”
— Zach Schonfeld (@zzzzaaaacccchhh) August 28, 2020
he can see me through the tv, can’t he pic.twitter.com/neFiZMmFha
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) August 28, 2020
Real “human in a zombie movie who is infected and trying to hide it” vibes https://t.co/huWf8dk0Ku
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) August 28, 2020
I can hear Dana White and my TV is on mute. #RNC2020
— W. Kamau Bell (@wkamaubell) August 28, 2020
Ultimate Fighting dude has cauliflower soul.
— Jordan Klepper (@jordanklepper) August 28, 2020
damn a dana white endorsement, were bud selig and colorectal cancer busy
— man it’s a hot zone, (@Mobute) August 28, 2020
The RNC is so on brand they even had YOUR FRIEND FROM GRADE SCHOOL’S DAD WHO PUNCHED HIM IN FRONT OF ALL OF HIS FRIENDS speak. pic.twitter.com/vs3ZtFr73f
— Sean O’Connor (@seanoconnz) August 28, 2020
now i know what it’s like to watch 1000 people fake orgasms at once
— Erin Ambassador to Woketopia Ryan (@morninggloria) August 28, 2020
One of the speakers at the RNC last night was the guy in movies who tells the sheriff that “We lost him, sir” pic.twitter.com/YIugIB8aZZ
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) August 27, 2020
honestly if conspiracy theory president is gonna invoke the moon landing we gotta assume that one is settled
— Charlie Warzel (@cwarzel) August 28, 2020
Resting “my pants fell down, and then a dog stole my pants, and I’m not leaving this park until I get my pants back” face pic.twitter.com/nPvT5cziXv
— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) August 28, 2020
DON’T LET DEMOCRATS KEEP RUINING AMERICA WHICH IS STRONGER THAN IT HAS EVER BEEN BUT ALSO MUST BE SAVED BY DONALD TRUMP WHO IS THE BEST PRESIDENT EVER AND HAS BEEN HINDERED AT EVERY TURN ANY BAD THING NOW IS FROM THE BIDEN FUTURE AND UNLESS YOU VOTE TRUMP THE CHAOS WILL CONTINUE
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) August 28, 2020
When the waitress coming with your drink but it’s for another table pic.twitter.com/duGGrznLCC
— Ira Madison III (@ira) August 28, 2020
We go high, they go low energy.
— Schooley (@Rschooley) August 28, 2020
Trump must regret that Herman Cain couldn’t be here to be killed by this event. https://t.co/jFjziQ3Pbf
— The Mysterious LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 28, 2020
The audience at the last Jim Jones appearance were not as reckless with their lives as these mask-less Trump speech attendees.
— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) August 28, 2020
Hearing really good things about The Noid’s speech at the RNC tonight. “Sharpest he’s been in years,” one longtime politics observer told me. “He’s going to be a big asset for Trump on the campaign trail.”
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) August 28, 2020
hate to see it but the hatch act is a flop
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) August 28, 2020
this is like binge watching a colonoscopy
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) August 28, 2020
I’m sorry but this woman’s arm needs to be amputated. pic.twitter.com/0nT3NMiIm5
— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) August 28, 2020
Would be great if everyone in the media dropping “wow I never thought I’d see a political convention at the White House” takes would add “because it’s against the fucking law”
— Tom Brennan (@Brennanator) August 28, 2020
The RNC theme seems to be “look at how much everything sucks right now. This is what will happen if we lose power!”
— Jesse Case (@jessecase) August 28, 2020
This is the hellbaby of Berlusconi and Willy Loman.
— Quinn Cummings (@quinncy) August 28, 2020
Stephen Miller didn’t write a speech. He transcribed an entire American history book from 1937.
— Miles Kahn (@mileskahn) August 28, 2020
the president who just recently told people to not buy a particular brand of car tire because they pissed him off just denounced cancel culture
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) August 28, 2020
This speech is one of the wettest we’ve seen, from the standpoint of water.
— Chris Hayes (@chrislhayes) August 28, 2020
trump’s face currently rocking “bodega honey bun” from savage fenty
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) August 28, 2020
As a nation, we have the technology to extend makeup all the way to one’s hairline.
— amanda melson (@mandamels) August 28, 2020
You know 2020 is some serious shit because Taylor Swift and Jim Gaffigan have been radicalized https://t.co/gBzyBwV1nQ
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) August 28, 2020
I’m old enough to remember when this speech started.
— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) August 28, 2020
I’m watching Love Island, and the producers have definitely told them they can’t acknowledge that there’s a pandemic, so in that way, it’s like I watched the RNC.
— Kristen Bartlett (@kristencheeks) August 28, 2020
Well, this is an all new low. Tonight Donald Trump repeatedly and flagrantly violated the law that forbids the President of the United States from shitting their pants live on national television. What are we going to do about it?
— ben “limited breadsticks” flores (@limitlessjest) August 28, 2020