The Funniest Tweets of the Week
Photo courtesy of Getty Images
Typically I start these tweet galleries with a quick rundown of the major events of the last week. Fuck that. Who’d ever want to relive the last week? It was the worst. Instead let’s focus on something everybody except Pittsburgh Pirates fans should want to relive: Game 7 of the 1992 National League Champion Series.
This is the most amazing 20 minutes of baseball ever played. It couldn’t be any better even if it was scripted. I will always have love in my heart for Francisco Cabrera, and Sid Bream continually slides through my dreams, 28 years later.
Hopefully these tweets can bring you even the minutest fraction of that joy and peace. Or failing that, a laugh, or at least a quiet inward smile.
Read ‘em, dig ‘em, follow the people who wrote ‘em, and try to keep your head up in the week ahead.
The only movie I want for 2021 is a murder mystery whodunnit set in the NBA bubble with every player playing himself.
— C. Mason Wells (@cmasonwells) September 17, 2020
not to toot my own horn but i am very killable
— Just kidding (@w0a0i0f) September 18, 2020
They should make a Muppet Babies-style show for the Sopranos called “Sopraninos”
— Mike Huguenor (@mikehuguenor) September 18, 2020
Lady Gaga is a Looney Tune for her gay audience—love to see her blasted off a canon, get run over, roll off a cliff, fall off a balcony, force fed her medicine, burned to ashes, chased around by nurses and LOL when she dresses up like a “lady”
— julio torres ~* (@juliothesquare) September 18, 2020
Niles Crane during his semester abroad. pic.twitter.com/fvSCXJlMf3
— Maggie Serota (@maggieserota) September 18, 2020
time traveler: i love your volcano
pompeiian: our what?
time traveler: your mountain, your normal mountain
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) September 15, 2020
“netflix used to come in the mail” probably does sound like bullshit you’ve made up to fuck with them to zoomers tbh
— oh, its awmost hawwoween? (@fffwankie) September 18, 2020
Look can someone tell me if I’m allowed to be crying laughing at this or not pic.twitter.com/I164eviGsW
— Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) September 20, 2020
Giant t-shirt time!!!! (That’s when u put on a giant T-shirt and look at ur phone)
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) September 20, 2020
mitch mcconnell: i am going to force a supreme court nominee through the senate
everybody: that would be hypocritical though
mcconnell: ok i will not do that then. thank you
— Rajat Suresh (@rajat_suresh) September 19, 2020
He died doing what he loved, posting COVID-19 hoax memes on Facebook while dying of COVID-19.
— Desi (@DesiJed) September 21, 2020
Damn. Just got this in the mail. pic.twitter.com/Vqd9mPFxav
— Dan White (@atdanwhite) September 21, 2020
Halloween is coming pic.twitter.com/qODXkVi32n
— clara (@ClaraAloevera) September 21, 2020
Does Andy Capp engage in performative blokeness
— Jim Gabriel (@flipyourface) September 22, 2020
pet rent is the stupidest concept i’ve ever heard of how do you expect my cat to pay $50 a month she is unemployed
— kayla ? (@baz00per) September 22, 2020
Young people, don’t let anyone tell you you have to choose between cynicism and voting. You can have both!
— Andy Daly (@TVsAndyDaly) September 24, 2020
When choosing whether to re-elect a President I like to consider these factors:
*Is everyone sick/dying?
*Did the entire country come to a grinding halt due to his incompetence?
*Is he a fascist?
*Was he impeached for doing many crimes?
*Will he do more crimes?Leaning Biden.
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) September 24, 2020
Peak of women’s Peak of men’s
fashion fashion pic.twitter.com/AaYMsP5dNp— the 5th cheetah girl (@KateySagaI) September 24, 2020
the Home Depot giant skeleton is the only good thing to collectively happen to us this year. I love him. pic.twitter.com/hc2SoG4Ytg
— Ash +1 (@ashleyeleanor) September 24, 2020
in the time gmail was down for 10 minutes i physically mailed 26 handwritten notes
— Anna Roisman (@AnnaRoisman) September 25, 2020
my dad watches ancient aliens all the time and says “not sure about that” or “i don’t think so” at the screen over and over rather than just doing something he enjoys. this is the old man version of how many of you use twitter
— kt (@kochsister) September 24, 2020
The best part of grocery shopping is seeing what kind of fucked up new shit the psychos at Oreos have come up with
— Alex Blagg (@alexblagg) September 24, 2020
If you like Enola Holmes, please read the coming-of-age indie script I wrote about Annabelle Lecter.
— Dan White (@atdanwhite) September 25, 2020