Have a birthday celebration coming up? Or just want to celebrate Labor Day in true, patriotic style? May I present Million Dollar Birthday Fries! Ironically, there are few things more American than French fries. Add little American flags and a dollar sign sticking out of them and a couple of sparklers and you have an all-out celebration. Plus, the $ makes it feel even more appropriate for Labor Day, since most people get their money from, well, labor, right? But before I get carried away trying to convince you to make a fry/hat combo, let’s talk about the Simpsons episode that birthed this culinary masterpiece.
“Bart Sells His Soul” from season 7 is considered by many Simpsons writers and critics to be one of the series’ best ever, and it’s easy to see why. It’s surprisingly dark and deep while still being clever and hilarious. The episode begins with Bart switching out the usual church hymn with “In the Garden of Eden” by “I. Ron Butterfly,” and seventeen minutes later Reverend Lovejoy finally figures out that they’ve been singing rock and/or roll. During Bart and Milhouse’s punishment, a philosophical argument leads Bart to sell Milhouse his soul for $5 (“Where’d you get five bucks? I want five bucks!”). Through a series of unfortunate events—like a lackluster hug from Marge—Bart realizes that he needs his soul, and begs Milhouse to sell it back to him. Unfortunately Milhouse exchanges Bart’s soul to Comic Book Guy for Alf pogs (“He’s back, in pog form!”), but Lionheart Lisa buys it and Bart and his precious soul are reunited.
Meanwhile, business is lackluster per usual at Moe’s Tavern, and after Dr. Hibbert’s family mistakes the bar for a family restaurant, Moe gives the dive bar a makeover. Now called “Uncle Moe’s Family Feed Bag,” the lively restaurant serves mostly-fried American grub to demanding families. There’s kooky stuff on the walls, colorful booths, and gimmicks galore. One of the restaurant’s said gimmicks, and our spotlight dish, is “Million Dollar Birthday Fries.” Whenever a kid orders them (presumably on their birthday), a blaring alarm goes off and Moe appears with sparklers and a basket of hot fries attached to his head while talk-singing this song:
Here you go. Here I am, Uncle Moe
Thank you, ma’am
This’ll be a treat
Uncle Moe, here I am, while you eat!
After too many birthday fry hat orders and Moe’s general dislike of children, the restaurant fails and the space effortlessly transitions back to being a crappy bar. But not before I went back and watched the flashy fries and the song a few times. It was downright inspirational. Mmm…inspirational.
