Little Caesar’s New “Crazy Calzony” Looks like the Result of a Pizza Lab Accident

Little Caesars isn’t exactly a brand known for prudence, or for having a lot of high-falutin’ ideals when it comes to selling various combinations of dough, sauce and cheese. In recent commercials, they’ve been hawking pizza with pepperoni stuffed into the crust, while simultaneously casting themselves as an enemy of “Big Pizza”—this, coming from the #3 pizza chain in the U.S., behind only Dominoes and Pizza Hut. Real “champion of the little guy,” that’s Little Caesars.

Any ludicrous menu item they’ve debuted in recent memory, however, pales in comparison to the just-unveiled “Crazy Calzony,” a Frankensteinian mash-up of pepperoni pizza and “white sauce”-stuffed calzone. The resulting image above looks like either the result of genetic pizza testing gone awry, or a monster created by a badly botched Dragonball Z-style fusion dance.

Little Caesars describes the product as such: “Crazy Calzony features a pepperoni pizza with a Parmesan and buttery-tasting calzone-like crust filled with garlic white sauce, cheese and julienne pepperoni, served with Crazy Sauce® for dipping.”

“Calzone-like,” eh? Sounds intensely appetizing. Do they usually refer to their pizza as “pizza-like” as well? Are we approaching a real-life version of SNL’s Almost Pizza? Will the Crazy Calzony shatter into a million pieces when dropped, or grow progressively hotter the longer it sits on the counter?

These are all clearly pressing questions that the customers will have to discover for themselves starting today, as the Crazy Calzony is available now for delivery or pickup, with a price tag of $8.49. It will likewise debut as a HOT-N-READY® item starting August 23.