An Ear for Film: Another Independence Day: Resurgence Commentary, Plus Podcasts

Each week, Dom plumbs the depths of podcast nation to bring you the best in cinema-related chats and programs. If writing about music is like dancing about architecture, then writing about movie podcasts is like listening to someone describe someone dancing about architecture.
Have a suggestion for a good movie podcast? Slide into Dom’s DMs on Twitter.
If there’s one thing to say with some modicum of admiration, it’s that Independence Day: Resurgence knows exactly what it is. It knows exactly what it should do, as well, which is to A) set up a franchise/sequel, whether or not any actually follow, because the possibility alone is enough; and B) to give exactly zero fucks. About anything: the sanctity of billions of human lives; the subtleties of solid storytelling; the rigors of character development; the precious balance of human ambition against the indifference of an incomprehensibly vast universe; diplomacy; logic; gravity (which the movie explains has been “solved” by alien technology); the complexities of mental illness; whether or not Jeff Goldblum actually cares about what he’s doing; that it would probably take Vivica A. Fox’s character way more than 20 years to go from being an exotic dancer to running a hospital—it’s actually hard to hate a movie that is so shamelessly obvious about the fact that it does not give a single fuck about anything.
This is a movie in which Liam Hemsworth’s first real interaction with a malevolent alien race is to give them the bird and then with his other hand pull out his floppy Aussie hog and piss all over the alien floor. This is a movie in which the filmmakers decide that the best way to make the second alien invasion movie bigger than the first alien invasion movie is to literally make a bigger alien. This is a movie in which Bill Pullman signifies that his character has a mental illness by growing a beard and carrying a cane and then later giving a depressingly inert redux of his original big inspirational speech from the first movie but this time forgetting how words and saying words work, and all the while everyone who’s standing by is just staring at him, arms crossed, like, “Oh I guess this is happening now, alright,” and Jeff Goldblum’s just looking into the camera totally uninterested in hiding the fact that he’s pretty annoyed by all of this shit and also kind of confounded by what has happened in his life to bring him to this point. This is a movie in which Brent Spiner isn’t wearing pants for about a half-hour straight, and at one point the camera lingers on his crack for almost two seconds too long, right after Brent Spiner almost sticks his hand into the butt crack. This is a movie in which pretty much every character with a name at one point obligatorily comes forward to volunteer for a suicide mission. This is a movie in which volunteering to kill yourself for the human race suffices for actual character development—for every single character in the movie. This is a movie in which Bill Pullman’s character’s big moment is to sacrifice his life in order to carry a cold fusion bomb inside the big alien’s ship to kill it, but the alien has a protective shield and so survives the blast, which means Bill Pullman’s character kills himself for nothing. This is a movie in which a cold fusion bomb can’t break a giant alien’s super-technology shield, but shooting it with a bunch of lasers can. This is a movie that tricks you into watching two hours of franchise prologue, and then gives you a punchline, which is Brent Spiner yelling out the word “ass”—this is a movie in which Brent Spiner yelling out the word “ass” is a subliminal call-back to when Brent Spiner almost put his thumb up his own ass, signaling that the movie has come to a close. This is a movie that was written by five people.
I didn’t hate it, though. The movie hates itself enough for the both of us.
Feel bad that Maika Monroe seems to be the only person taking this thing seriously, and then check out my picks for the best movie podcast episodes of the week.